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Posted on May
29, 2007
Top of My Head - The
Lowe’s Marathon
Adventures of the
New Script Writers
Sometimes when watching
NASCAR it seems like the races are
carefully scripted, and that the
scriptwriters are the same folks week
after week.
That’s why I think maybe
there was a coup in the writers’ room
this week, because a lot of things
didn’t go the way they have been week
after week – not necessarily a bad
thing.
So I’m going to be the
fly on the wall and conjecture how this
week’s writers’ meeting might have gone…
Let’s Drop the Green!
The scene: A small,
hidden, fallout-shelter style hut
somewhere on the grounds of the Lowe’s
Motor Speedway on the night of the
LOOOONGEST race of the year.
Writer #1: Can you
tell me why this thing has to be 600
miles? It’s hot. It’s Memorial Day
weekend, why can’t we just shorten it
up, say by about 300 miles, and let
everyone go home and chow down on some
bratwurst and beer.
Writer #2: Well,
NASCAR says it HAS to be 600 miles, so I
guess we have to deal with that, but I
have an idea. How about instead of a
regular Charlotte race, we throw a dash
of Talladega in there. The fans’ll
never be expecting a “Big One” at Lowes.
Writer #1: Oh,
heck, if we’re going for ‘Dega, let’s do
it up right. TWO big ones. Trash a
third of the field. Harvick, Jeff
Gordon, Tony Stewart… throw Sterling
Marlin in there for good measure, he’s
been doing too well the last couple of
weeks.
Writer #2: You
sure about Sterling, I know a lady
who’ll be mighty upset about that.
Writer #1: She’ll
just have to learn to deal. And let’s
have Jimmie Johnson cause one of them
and drive away leaving all those ripped
and destroyed cars behind them. Give
EVERYBODY something to complain about.
The smoke finally
clears and the racing gets underway
again
Writer #1: Hey, I
have a good twist! Let’s let Brian
Vickers whip up on the field for a
while. Throw a scare into all those
people who said Toyota will never make
it in NASCAR. And it’ll give the boys
in the booth a chance to talk about
those red wheels. After all, things
have settled down a little. Everybody’s
gone off to refill their beverages, they
don’t want to think they’ve missed
anything. And hey, let’s let Jeremy
Mayfield lead for awhile too. After
all, it’s his birthday.
Write #1: Yeah,
now that’s unexpected.
Writer #2: Okay,
enough of that. Gimme the hat with the
names, time to blow up a couple of
engines. And the winners are – Ryan
Newman, Kenny Wallace, and… Jeremy
Mayfield!
Writer #1: But
Jeremy just did such a great job with
that slide and spin…
Writer #2: Sorry,
it’s byyye, Jeremy. And Kenny Wallace
had his big moment last week, remember,
he won the fan “vote”.
Writer #1: Hey, I
see Sterling and some of the guys caught
up in that early mess are back on track,
shouldn’t we mention them? Wouldn’t
that nice lady like to know…
Writer #2: Nah,
nobody cares about them. There’s a lot
of racing left, time for things to get
boring, let’s go get a sandwich…
Our intrepid writers
go out for a sandwich and a beer and
return in time for the last hundred laps
or so.
Writer #1: Okay,
time to script the finish. The usual
suspects? Tony, Jimmie, Junior? Who’ll
it be?
Writer #1 (Who’s
had several beers by now): I have a
better idea. How about – Casey Mears?
Writer #2:
Casey Mears? You mean that kid who
everybody says is gonna lose his ride
when Hendrick decides to rope in
Junior? That Casey Mears?
Writer #1: Sure.
Don’t want the fans to get too
complacent. And how about this for the
rest of the top five… ummm…. In second,
let’s make it… J.J. Yeley, Kyle Petty,
Reed Sorensen, and – Brian Vickers. He
did run a good race.
Writer #2: Kyle
Petty? The fans will never believe
that?
Writer #1: Why
not? It’s about time Kyle had some
luck. I just wish there was some way ol’
Sterling could’ve been up there too, but
finishing in the top five when you’re
105 laps down would’ve been just a bit
TOO much to justify. And I remember
back in the day, when racin’ was racin’
and things didn’t always go according to
a script. Just listen to Casey… think
he’s happy?
Writer #2: Yeah,
I guess it’s good. I love a happy
ending. But couldn’t you have left him
enough gas to do just a little burnout?
+++++
So a BIG
CONGRATULATIONS to Casey Mears and
his whole team on getting that very
first Cup win!
As for my pick for the
Dover race, I’m going to go with
somebody who’s had some luck there
before and say we’ll all be toasting the
race winner with Miller Lite, as Kurt
Busch will take the Blue Deuce to
Victory Lane.
And one more special
shout-out to my fellow writer and
friendly rival Joe Ewert, who recently
got his degree in Communications from
the University of Wisconsin. Maybe
we’ll be seeing him covering pit lane
before too long.
Wavin’ the checkers
for now…
On to Dover!!
You can contact
Becky at
marlinmama@gmail.com
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