"It seems like I'm pushing a new product/movie every week now," says Busch. "Some may say I give new meaning to the term 'marketing tool.' Put it on my car and I'll sell it, unless it's my own merchandise. I've got a feeling that once I win the Cup, people will start buying my stuff and claiming they've been fans since I was 14."

"I have a lot in common with Indiana Jones. He's been on adventurous quests to capture valuable pieces of hardware, such as the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail. I'm after a historic trophy of my own, the Sprint Cup championship trophy, that will take me to all corners of the earth, or at least various stops in podunk America. Jones has battled Nazis to acquire those artifacts, while I'm dealing with an equally ruthless bunch who consider themselves the super race---the people of Earnhardt Nation."

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt started on row one with polesitter Greg Biffle and quickly took the lead on lap 2 as his legions of supporters roared their approval, sounding much like they did last year, only over-caffeinated instead of over-intoxicated. Earnhardt led 35 laps on the day and ran among the leaders nearly all day, but in the end, he, like the other front-runners, had nothing to challenge Kyle Busch’s dominant performance, leaving Earnhardt's winless streak at 73 races.

"That’s over two full seasons without a win,” says Earnhardt. “That’s a tough pill to swallow, but under NASCAR’s current drug testing policy, I can get away with it. And speaking of long stretches without a win, how about Michael Waltrip? He just made his 700th career Cup start at Darlington. The secret to his longevity? Rocket fuel. Incidentally, that’s what you get when you mix Amp energy drink and Tang."

"Now, I know fans are hot for that retro Mountain Dew merchandise. It’s classic. Ah, the late 1970’s/early 1980’s. What a memorable era. The Mountain Dew flowed freely, disco was king, and you could actually smoke a cigarette in the pits. Now, everybody's asking for the retro MD gear. Even Darrell Waltrip. I gladly offered him a mesh hat, but not before I made him do four 'Ickey Shuffles,' three 'boogity, boogity's,' two 'let's go racing, boys,' and relinquish his soul.”

3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 15 laps and scored his seventh top-10 finish of the year, a seventh in the Dodge Challenger 500. Hamlin improved two places in the Sprint Cup point standings, from sixth to fourth, where he trails points leader and teammate Kyle Busch by 190 points. With Tony Stewart's Nationwide win on Friday and Busch's Saturday win, Hamlin left Darlington as the lone Joe Gibbs driver without a win.

"I've got no hard feelings," says Hamlin. "In fact, I thought it was pretty classy of me when I drove down and parked right in the middle of victory lane to offer my congratulations to my two teammates. You know, it's funny. It doesn't matter where I go, I can always find a parking space."

"Despite our differing personalities, Tony, Kyle, and I get along quite well considering we vigorously dislike each other. The only tension in team meetings is that of Tony's waistband. We're one big happy family, just like brothers, in a fraternity, if you will. The fraternity known as 'Alpha Male.'"

4. Jeff Burton: After starting 33rd, his fifth qualifying effort of 33rd or worse this year, Burton steadily climbed to the front and surged to a tenth-place finish, his seventh top 10 of the year. Burton remains second in the points, and has not had a finish outside of the top 15 this year.

"They don't call me the 'Top 15 Machine' for nothing," says Burton, “especially since I have it tattoed across my abdomen, just beneath my ‘Thug Life’ tattoo, my homage my brother Ward's early teen years, when he terrorized mailboxes all over the greater South Boston, Virginia area. And they don’t call Kyle Busch ‘Public Enemy Number Won’ for nothing either. And, if the driver of the #42 car had three wins and was leading the points, they wouldn't call him 'Public Enemy Number Juan' for nothing, either."

“Anyway, it’s an exciting time of the year for drivers and fans everywhere. Racing season is in full swing and there are some big races at historic tracks coming up. In a matter of weeks, hearts will race and excitement will rise, as those exhilarating and stimulating four words will be spoken: ‘Danica Patrick on pole.’ What? Danica’s not on pole? Well then, I guess we’ll have to settle for something as equally arousing---Jim Nabors singing ‘Back Home Again In Indiana.’ Shazaam!”

5. Carl Edwards: Edwards overcame a dismal qualifying effort of 36th to capture the runner-up position in Darlington, finishing over three seconds behind the #18 of Kyle Busch. Edwards advanced three positions in the point standings to seventh, and is now tied with Busch for Sprint Cup wins, with three.

"I have to hand it to Kyle Busch," says Edwards. "He really knows how to get the most out of a car. I didn't know a car could hit the wall at Darlington that many times and still run that fast, like he wasn’t even affected. Every time Busch grazed the wall, I was reminded by that song by Pink Floyd. No, not ‘Comfortably Numb,’ but 'Another Dick In The Wall.' Oh, it's 'brick' in the wall. My bad."

“Whether or not there’s a rivalry brewing between Kyle and myself is unclear. I know this much. You wouldn't find me posing in a fedora while holding a whip, I don't care who was sponsoring my car. Once I Photoshop that and post it on the internet, Kyle might actually have some fans. And, if Busch thinks his little 'take a bow' race-winning celebration even remotely compares to my back flip, he's crazy. Hey Kyle, 'Take A Bow' is a Madonna song, not a celebration."

6. Jimmie Johnson: By the end of the race weekend in South Carolina, Johnson was practically on a first-name basis with Darlington Raceway’s walls, having crashed twice in Friday practice, then suffering two early brushes in Saturday night’s race.
Still, Johnson made the most of his backup car, using constant adjustments to salvage a 13th-place finish, which moved him up one spot in the points to sixth.

"That newly paved surface at Darlington made the track much faster," says Johnson. "It looks like the track got the same treatment I often give my eyebrows--a Brazilian wax. We had so much body work to do last weekend that we had to subcontract some work out to Maaco. But it will be great to have homefield advantage at Lowe's Motor Speedway. And it's great to see NASCAR presenting a concert by a band NASCAR fans actually might listen to---Three Doors Down. Last week at Darlington, Prince's pre-race anthem, 'This Track's 2 Tough 2 Tame' was certainly spectacular, but I don't think there's much, if any, overlap between Prince fans and NASCAR fans."

7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished a respectable 15th in the RCR Jack Daniels Chevy at Darlington, stricken by Kyle Busch’s failure to cause a 14-car spinout near then end, thereby opening the door for Bowyer to snatch another unlikely victory. If you'll recall, Bowyer snagged the win in Richmond when contact between Busch and Earnhardt allowed Bowyer to slip through for the win.

"I guess now we're even," says Bowyer. "I refuse to make Kyle my enemy. He feeds off of hatred. You would think he be much heavier, then. Not since Razor Ramon have I seen someone relish the role of the 'bad guy' so much.”

“Anyway, we’re heading north, from Darlington to Charlotte, in the Jack Daniels Chevy, which I call getting ‘liquored up.’ Surprisingly, I had more success keeping my car off the wall in Darlington during a 500 mile race than I did in Charlotte in a burnout exhibition. Hopefully, I can keep my car fully intact in the real burnout competition. In other words, having a Jack Daniels ‘neat.’”

8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished third in the Dodge Challenger 500, his fifth top 10 of the year and the first time in 2008 he’s strung together two such finishes. He now sits tenth in the Sprint Cup point standings as the Hendrick Motorsports team continues to search for the consistency that will lead to the team's first win of the year.

"It's good to get two top 10's in a row," says Gordon. "It's no secret we've been slumping this season. In the world of professional sports, athletes have been known to try anything to break out of a slump. Recently, the Chicago White Sox put blow-up dolls in their locker room in an attempt to break a slump. I'm not sure if it worked for them, but I figured we should give it a try. Heck, I've used blow-up dolls to break out of many a dating slump. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but I've found that blow-up dolls consistently display more personality than my ex-wife Brooke, not to mention more affection. And they are immensely cheaper dates."

9. Tony Stewart: Once again, after winning the Nationwide Diamond Hill Plywood 200 on Friday, Sprint Cup misfortune struck Stewart on Saturday in the form of Elliott Sadler, whose #19 McDonald’s Dodge got loose on lap 2 and drifted into Stewart’s #20. Repairs left Stewart two laps down near the half-way point, and, without the benefit of any Lucky Dog free passes, he was only able to make up one lap, and finished 21st.

“It wasn’t the ‘Lady In Black’ that got us,” says Stewart. “It was the ‘Idiot In Red.’ I don’t know who worked harder on Saturday night----my pit crew making repairs or Elliot Sadler making apologies. Who is Sadler's spotter? Ronald McDonald? If not for Sadler's spin, there wouldn't have been nearly as many views of the 'get a free chicken sandwich' advertisement inside Sadler's car. Sadler's a turkey trying to sell chicken. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call 'fowl.'"

10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick made brutal contact with the Darlington wall on lap 147, the impact of which sent his #29 Shell/Pennzoil Chevrolet to the garage for 100 laps for a major overhaul. He returned to the track in 41st position and gained two spots to finish 39th, and tumbled four positions in the points to ninth.

“That wreck was totally my fault,” says Harvick. “It’s hard to concentrate on driving when you’re daydreaming about your next score. And that, my friend, was my Aaron Fike impression.”