Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Larson: Larson took second in Sunday’s Visit The Pocono Mountains 350 after falling just short in Saturday’s race.
“Congratulations to Kyle Busch,” Larson said. “He took a crappy situation and made it great. He did the opposite when he drove the No. 5 car for Hendrick Motorsports.”
2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led late at Pocono but had to pit on the final lap for gas, dropping him to 14th.
“If we could have had just a few more drops of gas,” Hamlin said, “we certainly would have found another way not to win the race.”
3. Kyle Busch: Busch battled transmission issues at Pocono, but played the fuel mileage game perfectly and won the Explore The Pocono Mountains 350.
“I was stuck in fourth gear and had no clutch,” Busch said. “Despite that, crew chief Adam Stevens told me I could win. I told him he was ‘full of it.’ He said, ‘No, but your fuel tank is.'”
4. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished seventh on Sunday at Pocono, one day after winning Saturday’s Cup race.
“Jeff Gordon accepted the vice chairman role at Hendrick Motorsports,” Bowman said. “I think everyone expects him to flourish in an executive role. The cycle is nearly complete. Jeff’s gone from ‘Boy Wonder’ to ‘Board Wonder.'”
5. William Byron: Byron won Stage 2 and led the final stage until he was forced to pit for fuel with two laps remaining. He finished 12th.
“There’s no worse feeling in racing than coming up short on gas,” Byron said. “Sometimes, when you’re fuel gauge says ‘E,’ what it’s really saying is ‘You’re F‘ed.'”
6. Chase Elliott: Elliott suffered a flat right-front tire on lap 102 and fell a lap down. He eventually finished 27th.
“All three of my Hendrick Motorsports teammates finished in the top 12,” Elliott said. “My finish won me an award HMS likes to call the ‘Rear-Ender Award,’ which means you finished last among the four Hendrick drivers. In other words, it means you’re not Kyle Larson.”
7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the Visit The Pocono Mountains 350.
“I just want to assure fans that you can simultaneously visit the Pocono Mountains,” Harvick said, “and the Mountains Of Busch.”
8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stage 1 and finished 11th in the Explore The Pocono Mountains 350.
“Congratulations to my Joe Gibbs teammate Kyle Busch,” Truex said. “He took lemons and made lemonade. That could be why many people consider Kyle the ‘yellow liquid’ of auto racing.”
9. Joey Logano: Logano finished 10th at Pocono.
“I can’t remember the last time I actually felt like I could win,” Logano said. “I just know we need to step it up. Like Kyle Busch, we need to find that extra gear.”
10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home third at Pocono, posting his first top-five since a third at Kansas in early May.
“I had forgotten what a top five felt like,” Keselowski said. “In fact, I had become accustomed to finishing outside the top 20. Actually, that should help me acclimate pretty easily when I start driving for Roush-Fenway Racing.”