Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third in the Firekeepers Casino 400 at Michigan as Chris Buescher won his second consecutive race.
“That was a first,” Hamlin said. “No, I’m not talking about Buescher’s win; I’m talking about Kyle Busch taking full responsibility for an accident.”
2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was strong all day at Michigan, but couldn’t run down Chris Buescher late and settled for the runner-up finish.
“I just re-signed with Joe Gibbs Racing for 2024,” Truex said. “And it makes me feel good. It’s nice to know you’re ‘wanted,’ unless you’re Kyle Busch in Mexico.”
3. Chris Buescher: Buescher held off the charging Martin Truex Jr. late at Michigan to win the FireKeepers Casino 400, his second consecutive win.
“With two straight wins,” Buescher said, “I think everybody knows who I am now. Everybody also knows who Noah Gragson is, although he took a vastly different route for notoriety.”
4. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Michigan.
“I’m totally pleased with my race,” Larson said. “I had no contact with Denny Hamlin, neither in the car, nor in person, via text, with a phone call, or via carrier pigeon.”
5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick took eighth at Michigan, posting his 11th top 10 of the season.
“I’ll be in the Fox Sports broadcast booth next year,” Harvick said. “I’m looking forward to everything about this new part of my career, except the part in which I have to join 2-3 other men in a small, confined space.”
6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 14th at Michigan as Ford placed four cars in the top 10.
“Michigan is the home of Ford,” Logano said. “So, cars like mine had a home-field advantage. If Henry Ford could only see what kind of speed his invention is doing today, he would probably do 8000 RPMs in his grave.”
7. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished seventh at Michigan, his first top-10 result since a win at Nashville in late June.
“The playoffs are looming,” Chastain said, “and drivers are scrambling to get in. They call this time of year ‘crunch time,’ and that’s also what they call it any time you’re racing close to me.”
8. Christopher Bell: Bell started on the pole at Michigan but found trouble on Lap 65 when a spin into the wall seriously damaged his car. But with persistent work by his pit crew, Bell salvaged a 13th-place finish.
“Hats off to my pit crew,” Bell said, “because they worked their butts off, and didn’t crack under pressure.”
9. Kyle Busch: Busch started eighth but suffered an early spin and hit the wall after contact with Ryan Blaney on Lap 14. The damage ended Busch’s day and he finished 37th.
“That was quite an early exit,” Busch said. “But don’t blame me, my car was actually sponsored by ‘Kwik Trip.'”
10. William Byron: Byron retired early at Michigan after hard contact with the outside wall on Lap 46. He finished 35th.
“It was a rough day for Hendrick Motorsports,” Byron said. “Me, Chase Elliott, and Alex Bowman all had problems and finished close to last. Ironically, Kyle Larson was the one that stayed out of trouble.”
