Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Bristol in the first NASCAR race on dirt since 1970.
“I have six top-five finishes in seven races so far this season,” Hamlin said. “So, I guess I’m already in championship form, which always seems to be the case with me, until it’s time to decide the championship.”
2. Joey Logano: Logano dominated the final stage at Bristol and pulled away to win the Food City Dirt Race.
“The No. 22 Penske Ford was great at the end,” Logano said. “We left all the contenders in the dust. As a matter of fact, as you would expect on a dirt oval track, everybody was ‘left’ in the dust.”
3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 11th at Bristol.
“That’s two straight wins for Penske Racing,” Keselowski said. “One on asphalt and one on dirt. Me? I’d just settle for ‘one.'”
4. Kyle Larson: Larson was caught up in Christopher Bell’s early spin, and the ensuing repairs cost him two laps. Larson eventually finished 29th, five laps down.
“Bell did me dirt-y,” Larson said, “so he’s gonna have to pay for this. Isn’t he supposed to be a dirt-track expert? Consider me not impressed. I guess his reputation on dirt just became a reputation of dirt.”
5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished eighth at Bristol, posting his fourth top 10 of the year.
“It was a wild weekend in Bristol,” Blaney said. “It’s like Mother Nature and Joe Dirt got together, shacked up in a double-wide, and birthed BMS’s dirt track.”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 15th at Bristol.
“Tony Stewart is frustrated that NASCAR gave the dirt track race to Bristol and not his Eldora Speedway,” Harvick said. “After all Tony’s done for this sport, it’s pretty awful for NASCAR to treat him like dirt over dirt. As a result, Tony’s showing his ass in addition to other body parts, like the cold shoulder, and the middle finger.”
7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stage 1 at Bristol but faded late and finished 19th.
“That was my first Trucks series win,” Truex said. “And it’s one I’m going to remember a long time from now, especially if I can’t get the taste of Tennessee red clay out of my mouth.”
8. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Bristol, scoring the best finish for Hendrick Motorsports.
“I don’t mind racing on dirt,” Byron said. “Heck, if it’s dry, it’s practically like racing on a paved surface. And the few fans there seemed to love it too. Even though there were only 30,000 of them in attendance, the place was ‘packed.'”
9. Chase Elliott: Elliott took 10th in Bristol’s rain-delayed dirt race.
“NASCAR announced during the race that next year’s spring race at Bristol would also be on dirt,” Elliott said. “That’s also known as NASCAR ‘soiling themselves.'”
10. Christopher Bell: Bell spun on Lap 51, collecting Kyle Larson and Ross Chastain in his wake. Bell’s day was done, and he finished 34th.
“The accident was certainly my fault,” Bell said. “And both Kyle and Ross have said as much. Kyle especially. He’s been very outspoken in his criticism of me. But I’m no pushover. All I have to say to Kyle is, ‘Watch what you say.'”
