Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated the late restarts at Chicagoland and cruised to the win in the MyAfibStory.Com 400. He built on his lead in the points standings, and now leads Jeff Gordon by seven.
“I automatically advanced to the next round of the Chase,” Keselowski said. “So you can pencil my name on the bracket to the ‘Contender’ round. And speaking of things written in pencil, the Chase format has seen more alterations than Bruton Smith’s pants.”
2. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished second at Chicagoland, a solid start in his quest for a fifth Sprint Cup championship.
“The ‘Drive For Five’ is still alive,” Gordon said. “But I have to be careful not to get ahead of myself. First, I have to make sure the ‘Drive For 12,’ is alive, then the ‘Drive For 8,’ then the ‘Drive For 4.’”
3. Joey Logano: Logano finished fourth in the MyAfibStory.com 400 at Chicagoland as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski took the victory.
“My goal is to be one of the four drivers to make it to that final round,” Logano said. “Obviously, we can’t call it the ‘Final Four’ because the NCAA will sue. I say we broker a tie-in with that apocalyptic HBO series and call that final race ‘The Leftovers.’”
4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 11th at Chicagoland as Penske Racing’s Brad Keselowski won. Earnhardt is fifth in the points standings, 17 behind Keselowski.
“It was a decent start start to the Chase,” Earnhardt said. “It could have been better, but at least there were no fans climbing the fence. I bet if we scheduled a race in southern Texas, that certainly wouldn’t be the case.”
5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 12th at Chicagoland. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 18 behind Brad Keselowski.
“Luckily,” Johnson said, “there was no hot air blowing into my helmet on Sunday. But if I don’t make a statement at Dover, it could be time for a ‘cold sweat.’ It’s no time to panic, though. Now, more than ever, I need to ‘be cool.’”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led a race high 79 laps and finished fifth at Chicagoland.
“I switched pit crews with Tony Stewart,” Harvick said. “I’m happy about that, but my former pit crew is not. They worked 26 races to get me in the Chase. Now, they’re out. You could say they were ‘Un-Happy-ed.’”
7. Matt Kenseth: On a strong day for Joe Gibbs Racing , Kenseth finished tenth at Chicagoland as teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch finished sixth and seventh, respectively.
“The Chase format is new and improved,” Kenseth said. “First, you have the ‘Challenger’ round, then somewhere along the way there’s the ‘Eliminator’ round. I’m not sure what the other rounds are called, but I assume they’re named after ZZ Top albums as well.”
8. Kurt Busch: Busch posted his eighth top 10 of the year with an eighth in the MyAfibStory.Com 400.
“I made contact with my brother Kyle midway through the race,” Busch said. “That’s one instance where neither Kurt nor I can argue that a Busch was at fault.”
9. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole with the highest practice speed after qualifying was rained out. He led 46 laps and finished seventh.
“Not only did Kurt and I make contact,” Busch said, “Danica Patrick and Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. got together to bring out the final caution. Neither was happy. But is anyone really surprised that there’s friction between them?”
10. Kyle Larson: Larson led 20 laps at Chicagoland and engaged Kevin Harvick in a lively battle for the lead late in the race. While Larson and Harvick fought, Brad Keselowski slipped through the middle and led the rest of the way. Larson finished third.
“Had I made the Chase,” Larson said, “I could have been an unlikely contender. Chip Ganassi Racing has often partnered with Dale Earnhardt, Inc. and Teresa Earnhardt, so if I can borrow Dale, Jr.’s evil stepmother, then this Cinderella story would have been in business.”
