Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished second at Dover and heads to the next round of the Chase with the solid momentum after three top-10 finishes in the opening three races.
“This elimination race didn’t produce quite the excitement NASCAR had hoped,” Keselowski said. “In fact, it was yawn-inducing. It was so boring that fans didn’t give a hoot; it was so boring that I didn’t give a tweet.”
2. Joey Logano: Logano took fourth at Dover as four drivers were eliminated from Cup championship contention.
“It’s on to the ‘Contender’ round,” Logano said. “Or, to the six or so drivers with no chance to win the Cup, the ‘Pretender’ round. Or, because Danica Patrick didn’t qualify, the ‘One Gender’ round.”
3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon took control at Dover late and won the AAA 400, guaranteeing his spot in the next round of the Chase For The Cup.
“I don’t think anyone’s surprised by the four drivers eliminated,” Gordon said. “I guess the only ‘sleepers’ at Dover were in the stands.”
4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson, a nine-time winner at Dover, took third in the AAA 400 and now moves on to the Contender round of the Chase For The Cup.
“That’s right,” Johnson said. “I’ve won at Dover nine times. I’m pretty much on a first name basis with Miles The Monster. But I didn’t win Sunday, and I don’t seem to be anyone’s favorite to win the Cup. Much like Miles, I don’t scare anyone.”
5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 17th at Dover, one lap down, and qualified for the Contender round, which starts at Kansas Motor Speedway next week.
“And then there were twelve,” Earnhardt said. “At least, that’s what a Junior Nation member says halfway through a case of beer. Then it’s time for breakfast.”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole and led 223 laps before tire issues relegated him to a 13th-place finish.
“We had plenty of car,” Harvick said, “but no luck at all. This time, it was a tire issue. My left front tire took a leak; we just keep pissing away wins.”
7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fifth at Dover and joins Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin in the Chase For The Cup Contender round.
“Three more races,” Kenseth said, “and the field will be down to six. I really like the way the new format pares down the field. The new format is better at ‘weeding out’ than NASCAR’s drug policy.”
8. Kyle Busch: Busch, making his 500th Sprint Cup start, finished 10th at Dover and qualified for the next round of the Chase.
“I’ve taken a lot of green flags,” Busch said. “But none have led to a Sprint Cup championship. And that’s frustrating. And, as people know, I’m not afraid to hide my frustration. So, my career has been defined by ‘fits and starts.’”
9. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 11th, enough to secure the 10th spot in the standings and a spot in the Chase’s Contender round.
“I’m moving on,” Edwards said. “And I’m saying goodbye to Greg Biffle. I can say that now or two months from now, and it still applies.”
10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished sixth at Dover and now has top-six finishes in all three Chase races.
“It’s too bad I didn’t make the Chase,” Larson said, “because I really feel like I could win it all. As it is, I can’t win at all.”
