Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led the final 23 laps and won the FedEx 400, capturing his 10th win in 27 starts at the famous one-mile track and his fourth win overall.
“Ten wins at one track is quite an accomplishment,” Johnson said. “If there was any doubt that I’m one of the greatest drivers in history, my dominance at Dover is concrete proof.
“We were penalized by NASCAR for some minor infractions. As we well know from the plight of Jeremy Mayfield, NASCAR severely frowns upon ‘tweaking.’”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished second at Dover, posting his ninth top-five finish and eighth runner-up of the year. He leads the points standings with a 41-point lead over Martin Truex Jr.
“Jimmie Johnson won for the 10th time at Dover,” Harvick said. “That’s truly a groundbreaking achievement. Of course, any achievement is ‘groundbreaking’ at Dover—that track is falling to pieces.
“The No. 4 Chevy featured the Ditech paint scheme. Ditech is a home loan service, as well as one of my biggest supporters. They give me ‘credit’ all the time, in addition to showing lots of interest.”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: For the third consecutive race, Truex led the most laps, but fell short of winning. At Dover, Truex led 131 laps and finished sixth.
“Am I going to win a race this year?” Truex said. “Please, I’d prefer not to be asked ‘leading’ questions.”
4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished 14th in the FedEx 400, three laps down, following a pit road speeding penalty.
“First, we had to start at the rear of the field after changing a rear gear,” Earnhardt said, “then the No. 88 car had a radio issue early in the race. Let’s just say things didn’t sound good all day. Luckily, our radio issues don’t happen with great frequency.”
5. Joey Logano: Logano finished 11th at Dover, one spot ahead of Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski.
“I just turned 25 years old,” Logano said. “But listen, I’m no spring chicken. Well, that is unless you ask Ryan Newman. According to Newman, if it’s between March 21 and June 21 and I’m avoiding him, then I’m a ‘spring chicken.”
6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took 12th in the FedEx 400 at Dover, one lap down after starting 19th. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 102 behind Kevin Harvick.
“What a run by Jimmie Johnson,” Keselowski said. “Ten wins at one track is one heck of an accomplishment, and JJ celebrated appropriately with a beer. Oh, it wasn’t ‘Miller Time’ for Johnson; it was ‘miler’ time.”
7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth suffered a broken front suspension and finished 39th at Dover, his worst finish of the year.
“Kyle Busch was strong until he wrecked with Brian Scott,” Kenseth said. “Then Kyle stuck his head in Scott’s car and gave him a piece of his mind. Kyle may have broken his leg, but he definitely hasn’t broken character.”
8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon charged late at Dover and grabbed a 10th-place finish, posting his seventh top 10 of the year.
“The No. 24 car looked a lot like Greg Biffle’s No. 16 used to,” Gordon said. “3M told Biffle last year, ‘It’s no go with our logo.”
9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole at Dover, but things didn’t finish as well as they started. A late crash left Hamlin with a 21st, while no other Joe Gibbs Racing driver finished better than 19th.
“Carl Edwards’ 19th was the best finish among JGR drivers,” Hamlin said, “but he didn’t even finish on the lead lap. One week after winning at Charlotte, Carl went from back flipping to back marking.”
10. Kurt Busch: Busch was involved in a late incident with Brian Scott that knocked him out of the top 10. After numerous pits stops and several flat tires, Busch limped home with a 31st at Dover.
“There’s only one thing I’ve blown more than tires,” Busch said, “and that’s gaskets.”