Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won for the fourth time this year, and second time consecutively, with the victory in the Quaker State 400.
“That’s ‘2’ in a row,” Keselowski said. “I saved just enough fuel to make it to the finish line for my fourth win this year. That’s more than any other driver. But I’m not done yet. Trust me, I’ve got more left in the tank.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Kentucky and finished ninth, posting his 14th top 10 of the year.
“I led the most laps,” Harvick said, “and I had one of the strongest cars. I should have won, but I didn’t. Now I know what Richard Childress felt like in 2013 because I ‘let one slip away.’”
3. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fourth in the Quaker State 400, recording his sixth top-five finish of the year. He is third in the points standings, 16 behind Kevin Harvick.
“There was a truck in the parking lot that caught fire during the race,” Busch said. “It was quite a spectacle. But there was ‘Smoke’ rising on the track as well; Tony Stewart finished fifth. And speaking of ‘finished fifths,’ there were a lot of empty bottles of bourbon littering the Kentucky Speedway infield. So, consider the sorrows of Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans drowned.”
4. Carl Edwards: Edwards closed the gap on Brad Keselowski in the closing stages at Kentucky, but Keselowski had just enough fuel to hold him off. Edwards settled for the runner-up spot and is now fourth in the points standings, 33 out of first.
“I got all up on Keselowski’s bumper,” Edwards said. “Brad should consider himself lucky, because most drivers, like Matt Kenseth and Kevin Harvick, are used to me getting all up in their grill.”
5. Joey Logano: Logano blew a right-front tire early in the race at Kentucky and slammed the wall hard, severely crippling his No. 22 Penske Ford. Logano limped home with a finish of 39th.
“That was the hardest hit I’ve experienced in a long time,” Logano said. “Ryan Newman once threatened to hit me that hard.
“My teammate Brad Keselowski took the win with a perfect fuel mileage strategy. He saved fuel to the point where he didn’t even have enough to do a victory burnout. Now that’s what I call taking fuel mileage strategy to the extreme.”
6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex’s sights on a win at Kentucky came crashing down when he was penalized for an illegal pass on pit road during a late caution. He eventually finished 10th.
“NASCAR officials tell me it’s illegal to pass on the inside on pit road,” Truex said. “That pretty much ended my run to the front. You could say I had a ‘transmission” problem because I got ‘drive shafted.’”
7. Kyle Busch: Busch, who won at Kentucky last year, finished 12th in the Quaker State 400.
“The finish to the race was very exciting,” Busch said, “with Carl Edwards chasing Brad Keselowski. But the real action was in the parking lot, where a truck caught on fire. Apparently, emergency responders pulled a person out of the truck. So, it seems the truck wasn’t the only thing ‘smoking.’”
8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered an early spin at Kentucky and smashed the wall exiting Turn 4, leading to a long night in the Quaker State 400. He eventually finished 32nd, 59 laps down.
“I just got loose,” Johnson said. “The lower downforce package the cars are running make them hard to handle. But it’s no surprise grip is an issue with me. I won my last Sprint Cup championship in 2010, and things have been ‘slipping’ since then.”
9. Chase Elliott: Elliott was clipped by Ryan Blaney’s spin early in the race and limped home with a 31st at Kentucky.
“I don’t fault Ryan for the accident,” Elliott said. “He comes from a reputable family, so I’m reluctant to throw blame around. Much like his father Dave, Ryan’s ‘done nothing’ in this sport.”
10. Tony Stewart: Stewart finished fifth in the Quaker State 400, earning his second top-five of the year.
“I’ve already got a win this season,” Stewart said. “The Chase format tells me I need to keep an eye on the top 30. My waist size tells me I need to keep an eye on the ‘bottom 50.’”
