Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch: Busch controlled two late restarts and cruised to the win in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond, capturing his third consecutive win.
“Anything Kevin Harvick can do,” Busch said, “I can do just as well, like be one of the most disliked drivers in NASCAR. But it certainly didn’t look like I was disliked when I went into the stands to slap hands with my fans. It seemed like every fan there came down to greet me. And judging by race attendance, maybe they did.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led eight laps and finished fifth at Richmond, recording his sixth top 10 of the year.
“We were hurt by a pit road penalty,” Harvick said, “when one of my crew members tossed a track bar wrench over the pit wall. It hit another crewman right in the groin. It not only hit him, it ‘scrote’im’ as well.
3. Joey Logano: Logano won the first two stages and finished fourth at Richmond, and has posted top-10 finishes in all but one race this season.
“There was very little action for most of this race,” Logano said. “About the only notable occurrence was a crew member of Kevin Harvick’s team getting hit in the balls with a wrench. Harvicks’s team was penalized, while the crew member was ‘penile-ized.'”
4. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished ninth at Richmond, posting his fourth consecutive top-10 finish.
“I can’t wait to drive a Ford Mustang next year,” Bowyer said. “And if my car owner tells me to ‘take it for a spin,’ you know I’ll do it.”
5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Richmond, and was running second late before a slow pit stop cost him seven positions.
“We had a problem with the jack,” Truex said. “It was a real ‘let down.'”
6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started 28th and finished eighth in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond.
“The day belonged to Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said, “and he celebrated accordingly. Kyle went into the stands to celebrate with the fans. They seemed to be just as excited as he was. Honestly, I think the fans just want to touch Kyle. I can certainly relate. I’m just one, of certainly many, drivers who either want a piece of Kyle or can’t wait to get their hands on him.”
7. Kyle Larson: Larson came home seventh in the Toyota Owners 400.
“My Ganassi Racing teammate Jamie McMurray bumped me under caution for some reason,” Larson said. “And I have no idea why. I’m not sure what Jamie’s problem is, although I’d guess it has something to do with jealousy. It’s probably the fact that his car is No. 1, but he, in fact, is No. 2.”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was collected in Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s spin late at Richmond and limped home for a 22nd-place finish.
“In years past,” Blaney said, “the Richmond race has been run in the daytime. It doesn’t appear that racing at night made a real difference in attendance. So, as far as the actual running of the race, the difference was night and day. Not so much for attendance, though.”
9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Richmond and is sixth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 129 behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch.
“Kyle is racing with a ton of confidence,” Hamlin said. “He’s so confident, he went into the stands after the race to celebrate with fans. I don’t think Joe Gibbs was happy about that, given Kyle’s history as Richmond. Joe’s ordered Kyle never to go into those bleachers with the people again, by telling Kyle the fans ‘can’t stand you.'”
10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson came home sixth at Richmond, posting his second straight top-10 result.
“We struggled to start the season,” Johnson said, “but we seem to be on to something. And that’s reason to celebrate. And that tells you the state of this team, from winning seven Cup championships at will to struggling for top 10’s. Our standards now are low, whereas they used to be Lowe’s.”
