Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 50 laps at Nashville, but couldn’t match the speed of Ross Chastain in the final stage and settled for the runner-up spot.
“Ross just had too much,” Chastain said. “You could say he ‘destroyed the field.’ If you add up all the cars of competitors he’s wrecked over the course of his career, you could also say he’s ‘destroyed the field.'”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch suffered damage on Lap 147 when he tagged Ryan Blaney after cars in front checked up on a restart. Busch, however, recovered and salvaged a ninth-place finish.
“‘It was an accident,'” Busch said, “is what I said after the race, and also this one time at an airport in Mexico.”
3. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Nashville.
“As per usual,” Byron said, “my car was primarily sponsored by Liberty University. Liberty U. is even advertising during NASCAR races to attract students. Who wouldn’t want to attend Liberty? It’s the academic intersection of education, religion, and voyeurism.”
4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 and finished third in the Ally 400.
“There’s losing,” Hamlin said, “and then there’s losing to Ross Chastain. I hate all of those things.”
5. Ross Chastain: Chastain started on the pole at Nashville and came on strong in the final stage to win the Ally 400 at Nashville Superspeedway.
“It’s really cool being rewarded with a guitar for winning a race, ” Chastain said. “Let my ability to strum a tune remind everyone of my desire to win the Cup championship, because ‘I ain’t playing.'”
6. Christopher Bell: Bell came home seventh at Nashville, posting his tenth top 10 of the year.
“We’re headed to Chicago next week for the first NASCAR race on a street circuit,” Bell said. “Fans in the Windy City are in for a real treat. For once, something other than bullets are going to be whizzing through downtown Chicago.”
7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 24th in the Ally 400 at Nashville.
“My No. 4 Ford sported the Busch Light Peach paint scheme,” Harvick said. “I’m not sure who this flavor of beer would appeal to, but they should have the taste slapped out of their mouths.”
8. Joey Logano: Logano struggled to crack the top 10 at Nashville and scored a disappointing 19th in the Ally 400.
“I was barely able to stay on the lead lap,” Logano said. “So, at least for a day, ‘Sliced Bread’ felt like the ‘End Piece.'”
9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney crashed out at Nashville on Lap 147 when a restart stacked up the field, resulting in Kyle Busch rear-ending Blaney and sending him into the inside wall. Blaney finished last in 36th.
“I don’t know who was leading the field to green on that restart,” Blaney said, “but I’d like to introduce them to a gas pedal, and also my fist.”
10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Nashville, recording his seventh top 5 of the season.
“Ross Chastain looks like a real championship contender,” Larson said. “Now, he’s in the head of every other championship contender. You could say, like a real watermelon farmer, he ‘planted a seed.'”