Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth in the Coca-Cola 600.
“The weather really prevented what was sure to be an exciting finish in the 600,” Hamlin said. “It was the very definition of anticlimactic. Anticlimactic could also be used to describe a fight that starts with Ricky Stenhouse Jr. punching Kyle Busch in the face and ends with Busch punching Stenhouse’s father in the face.”
2. Christopher Bell: Bell won Stage 2 at Charlotte and outgunned Brad Keselowski on the final restart before the race was stopped and eventually called official due to weather.
“I was fortunate enough to be in the lead when the race was stopped for weather,” Bell said. “Some may call it luck; I call it ‘storming’ to the front at just the right time.”
3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished second at Charlotte, his third runner-up finish of the year.
“I can certainly relate to both Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said. “Like Stenhouse, I’ve always wanted to punch Kyle, and like Kyle, I’ve been cursed with an extremely punchable face.”
4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh at Charlotte.
“My No. 9 Chevrolet featured the blacked-out NAPA paint scheme,” Elliott said. “Given the amount of alcohol my fans consume during a race, there’s a good chance they won’t even remember that paint scheme because they themselves have blacked out.”
5. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs started on the pole and finished seventh in the rain-shortened Coca-Cola 600.
“NASCAR’s $75,000 fine of Ricky Stenhouse Jr. indicates that they don’t condone fighting,” Gibbs said. “Their social media promotion of it says otherwise. I think I speak for all drivers when I say that I don’t mind having a black eye on the sport, but only if you define ‘sport’ as ‘Kyle Busch’s face.'”
6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex struggled with handling issues at Charlotte and finished 12th.
“Congratulations to my Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Christopher Bell,” Truex said. “He was in the right place at the right time. Similarly, Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s right fist was in the right place at the left place, Kyle Busch’s cheek.”
7. William Byron: Byron won Stage 1 at Charlotte on his way to a third-place finish in the Coca-Cola 600.
“If not for a drive-through penalty at Indianapolis,” Byron said, “my HMS teammate Kyle Larson would have likely scored a top-10 finish in the 500. As it was though, he was a lot like Jerry Falwell watching his wife and the pool boy, because he ‘held his own.'”
8. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished ninth at Charlotte, posting his ninth top-10 of the season.
“Jimmie Johnson was at the Indianapolis 500 earlier on Sunday doing some commentating for NBC,” Bowman said, “and still made it to Charlotte to race in the 600. Jimmie’s still fast at getting from one point to another; now…just not getting from the starting line to the finish line.”
9. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished eight in the Coca-Cola 600.
“The Coca-Cola 600 is the longest single-day race in motor racing,” Chastain said. “It doesn’t quite last forever, although it may feel that way if you’re watching it.”
10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 18th in the Indianapolis 500 earlier on Sunday then made his way to Charlotte Motor Speedway, where he arrived just as weather stopped the race and eventually ended it.
“There was also a weather delay at Indy,” Larson said, “so I really had to leave there in a hurry to even have a chance of driving in the Coco-Cola 600. So, while I didn’t get to ‘kiss the bricks,’ I did have to ‘hit the bricks.'”
