Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Christopher Bell: Bell snapped his third consecutive win, edging Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin at the line to win the Shriners Children’s 500.
“I was attempting to win my third consecutive race,” Bell said. “And I succeeded, so the ‘try-fecta’ became the ‘trifecta.'”
2. William Byron: Byron started on the pole at Phoenix, captured the Stage 1 win, and finished sixth at Phoenix.
“I was in the pits when a caution came out on lap 266,” Byron said. “Some would say that’s the first bit of bad luck I’ve had in my Cup career. Thus, my chances to win the race went out the window, much like the horseshoe went out my behind.”
3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin battled to the end with Christopher Bell, but came out on the short end as his Joe Gibbs Racing teammate edged him for the win.
“It’s amazing what Christopher Bell has done so far this season,” Hamlin said. “It seems he’s well on his way to winning the Cup championship, or possibly well on his way to being the greatest NASCAR driver never to have won a championship.”
4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished eighth in the Shriners Children’s 500 at Phoenix.
“I’m determined to end this winless streak of mine,” Busch said. “No one’s ever questioned my determination or desire, although law enforcement, on occasion, has questioned my desire to get from Point A to Point B at such a high rate of speed.”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 10th at Phoenix.
“I didn’t get a chance for payback on Ross Chastain for wrecking me at COTA,” Elliott said. “Here’s the funny part: I owe Ross, but he’s the one that’s going to pay.”
6. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished seventh at Phoenix.
“NASCAR really came down hard on Joey Logano early in the race,” Bowman said. “Logano was penalized for crossing the yellow line before the start/finish line on an early restart. NASCAR likes throwing the book at drivers and teams; the size and thickness of that book varies greatly from week to week.”
7. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 20th at Phoenix.
“It’s cool that in addition to the Air Jordan logo on my car,” Reddick said, “I also have a flying horse representing Mobil 1. With a 20th-place finish, ironically, my No. 45 Toyota was anything but ‘flying.'”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney suffered a blown engine on lap 244 and finished 28th in the Shriners Children’s 500.
“I can’t fault the effort of this No. 12 team,” Blaney said. “They, much like the car, left it all on the track.”
9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished third at Phoenix, posting his best result of the season.
“My Hendrick Chevy was really strong today,” Larson said. “It was running on all cylinders, and more importantly, all wheels.”
10. Bubba Wallace: Wallace blew a tire on lap 266 and slammed the wall, ending his day at Phoenix. He finished 29th, 47 laps down.
“NASCAR has countersued 23XI Racing after 23XI sued them earlier,” Wallace said. “I believe NASCAR is playing with fire and I like our chances. If you’re going to challenge Michael Jordan at a place called ‘court,’ I’ll take MJ every time.”
