Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Richmond, leading 383 of 400 laps to win the Federated Auto Parts 400. With four wins, Keselowski starts as the top seed in the Chase For The Cup.
“Who was that ‘on the fence’ at Richmond?” Keselowski asked. “Was it Clint Bowyer? No. It was just a fan who obviously wasn’t ‘high’ enough.”
2. Jeff Gordon: Gordon took second at Richmond, unable to catch Brad Keselowski, who clearly had the best car in the field. Gordon’s three wins on the season earned him the second seed in the Chase, where he’ll start three points behind Keselowski.
“We were determined,” Gordon said. “Not even Clint Bowyer could keep us out of the Chase. But Bowyer doesn’t have to worry about ‘intentional spins’ now; Michael Waltrip will handle those on ‘Dancing With The Stars.’”
3. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Richmond as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski captured the victory, giving Roger Penske his 400th racing win.
“Keselowski was just unbelievable,” Logano said. “He led an amazing 383 of 400 laps. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing leather and chains, because it was a display of ‘dominant fashion.’”
4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 12th in the Federated Auto Parts 400 at Richmond International Speedway. He will start third in the Chase, three points behind Brad Keselowski.
“Some crazy fan climbed the catchfence late in the race,” Earnhardt said. “I guess alcohol and boredom make a deadly combination.”
5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson posted his 16th top-10 finish of the year with an eighth at Richmond. He will start the Chase in second, along with Hendrick teammates Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Jeff Gordon, all with three wins on the season.
“I collapsed after the race due to severe dehydration,” Johnson said. “But after some intravenous fluids, I feel great. I think this bodes well for my chances of winning my seventh Cup title. As they say, you can’t get ‘VII’ without first getting ‘IV.’”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Richmond, recording his eighth top-5 result of the year. With two wins this season, he will start the Chase For The Cup six points behind Brad Keselowski.
“There we no squirrels on the track at Richmond,” Harvick said. “If there were, they would have been after that nut on the fence.”
7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth’s night at Richmond ended early after he hit the wall on lap 120. He finished 41st, 70 laps down, and starts the Chase For The Cup 12 points out of first.
“It was a tough night for me,” Kenseth said. “But my disappointment was tempered by the knowledge that Michael Waltrip was selected to appear on ‘Dancing With The Stars.’ I’m not surprised my Michael’s selected—-he’s often been accused of being light on his feet.”
8. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 22nd at Richmond, four laps down. He’ll start the Chase For The Cup with 2,006 points, six behind Brad Keselowski.
“Congratulations to Greg Biffle,” Edwards said. “He clinched the 16th and final spot in the Chase field. Of course, he did it by finishing 19th, two laps down. He probably didn’t see that coming; that’s what happens when you ‘back’ your way in.”
9. Ryan Newman: Newman easily drove his way into the Chase, finishing a solid ninth. He will start the Chase in 16th, 12 points behind Brad Keselowski.
“There’s a lot of distance between me and the driver of the No. 2 Miller Lite car,” Newman said. “Interestingly enough, that’s the same thing I said when Rusty Wallace was my teammate.”
10. Kasey Kahne: Kahne finished 17th at Richmond, one lap down. He start the Chase For The Cup with 2,003 points, nine behind top seed Brad Keselowski.
“Hopefully,” Kahne said, “I can carry some of the momentum from my win at Atlanta into the Chase. Thank goodness I got that win. I knew I need to carry my weight before I could carry momentum.”
