Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished ninth in the Quaker State 400, recording his 13th top 10 of the year.
“Junior’s wasn’t the only car that was ‘unstoppable,’” Johnson said. “Those Joe Gibbs Racing cars were as well, and it had nothing to do with brakes.
“Hopefully, Junior and Danica Patrick can work out their differences. Junior has already apologized. I suggest Danica accept it and move on. In other words, she needs to put the whole situation in her rear-view mirror. Unfortunately, the only thing she usually sees in her rear-view mirror is the leader.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started 15th and finished a solid eighth at Kentucky. He continues to lead the Sprint Cup points standings, holding a 68-point lead over Jimmie Johnson and Joey Logano.
“Thankfully,” Harvick said, “there were no cars going airborne. What happened at Daytona shouldn’t happen at a NASCAR race. The only things that should be in the stands are fights, not debris. Sadly though, keeping tires on the ground is inversely proportionate to keeping fans in the seats.”
3. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt battled brake issues for much of Saturday’s Quaker State 400 and finished 21st.
“I even got into the back of Danica Patrick,” Earnhardt said. “And she told me to go ‘F’ myself. ‘F’ seems to be here favorite letter. ‘L’ is high on the list, also. ‘W’ is certainly not.
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished a disappointing 17th at Kentucky and has now gone three races without a top 10 after posting only one finish outside the top 10 to start the season.
“You can call it a slump,” Truex said, “but what’s really news is the ‘bump.’ That’s what Dale Earnhardt Jr. did to Danica Patrick when his brakes failed and he slammed the back of her car. It’s a pity that Junior ruined Danica’s night, because she was destined to finish first, no doubt. Talk about a ‘rear spoiler.’”
5. Joey Logano: Logano led 23 laps and finished second at Kentucky, posting his 10th top-10 of the year.
“I had nothing for Kyle Busch,” Logano said. “He passed me and was gone. Kudos to Kyle, though. He did something my father never could, and that’s leave me alone.”
6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski had the car to challenge Kyle Busch, but a string of slow pit stops ruined his chances for the win. He still finished sixth and is sixth in the points standings, 133 out of first.
“My guys put the ‘stop’ in ‘pit stop,’” Keselowski said. “We pretty much just gave the race to Kyle. And if I give the race to Kyle, you can assuredly assume that he will assent to taking advantage of it.
7. Kurt Busch: Busch posted his fifth consecutive top-10 finish with a 10th at Kentucky, as little brother Kyle won in impressive fashion.
“Kyle beat Joey Logano to the checkered flag,” Busch said, “which just supports the old adage, ‘Bro’s before Jo’s.’ And Kyle took his customary ‘bow’ after the win. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t perform a ‘Kurt-sy’ after I win.”
8. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fifth as Joe Gibbs Racing dominated at Kentucky, with Kyle Busch winning and all four JGR cars placing in the top-five.
“Obviously, we’re all big fans of NASCAR’s new aerodynamic rules package,” Kenseth said. “Especially Chad Knaus, who lives by the mantra ‘More rules means more rules to break.’”
9. Kyle Busch: Busch passed Joey Logano with 19 laps to go and ran away with the victory in the Quaker State 400. Busch has now won two of the last three races and now sits 35th in the points standings.
“I went by Logano,” Busch said, “then went bye.
“Gibbs Racing was strong up and down the line. Carl Edwards’ fourth-place finish was some welcome good news for Subway in the wake of the Jared Fogle scandal. Carl, in fact, was thrilled with his car’s handling. So it’s good for him that Jared’s ‘hard drive’ is in the news and not Carl’s.”
10. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished seventh in his final race at Kentucky Speedway. He is 10th in the Sprint Cup points standings, 155 out of first.
“I’ve never won at Kentucky,” Gordon said, “so I’m disappointed. Kentucky is known for a lot of things, like their horses, their chicken, their jelly and their bourbon. I was honored with 24 bottles of the latter from each of the state’s four master distilleries. I’m sure most NASCAR fans can relate when I say I just got ‘liquored up.’”
