Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s three-race win streak was halted at Fontana after contact with Kyle Larson on lap 37 sent Harvick into the wall. He finished 35th.
“I blamed Kyle,” Harvick said. “That is, until I realized it was Kyle Larson that I hit and not Kyle Busch. Had it been Busch, you can best believe it would have been a case of ‘He said, he said, DeLana tweeted.'”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch took third in the Auto Club 400, posting his third consecutive top-five result. He is second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, nine out of first.
“I’ve yet to win this year,” Busch said, “and it’s very frustrating. I want to win so badly, mostly because I’ll be able to say to slower cars, ‘Catch me if you can,’ which is also what I say to Fox reporters.”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was the class of the field at Fontana, leading 125 laps in winning from the pole for his first win of the season.
“I won by nearly 12 seconds,” Truex said. “12 ‘seconds’ hasn’t meant this much in NASCAR since the days of Mark Martin falling just short every year.”
4. Joey Logano: Logano finished fifth in the Auto Club 400 after winning the Xfinity Series race on Saturday.
“You may have seen me hanging with Ice Cube before the race,” Logano said. “I feel like my street cred just went up several notches. So, I no longer want to be known as ‘Sliced Bread.’ In the future, please refer to me as ‘Corn Bread.'”
5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home fourth in the Auto Club 400, recording his second top five of the season. He is fourth in the points standings, 33 out of first.
“I hear Kyle Busch was complaining about not being interviewed,” Keselowski said. “When asked about it in a later interview, he said, ‘No comment.'”
6. Kyle Larson: Larson finished second in the Auto Club 400, posting his second top five of the season.
“I finished over 11 seconds behind Martin Truex Jr.,” Larson said. “I made history, as the first driver to turn that much clean air into just a second-place finish.”
7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished eighth at Fontana.
“Attendance was awful on Sunday,” Blaney said. “That’s surprising because one would think speeds approaching 190 miles per hour would be a big attraction. Unfortunately, in NASCAR, one thing not going fast are tickets.”
8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a sixth in the Auto Club 400.
“It’s not a whole lot of fun racing in front of empty stands,” Hamlin said. “I think most fans were home watching NCAA basketball. At least fans know there will be passing there.”
9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 11th at Fontana and is ninth in the points standings, 61 out of first.
“NASCAR definitely has an attendance problem,” Bowyer said. “And it’s getting worse because the fans actually in attendance are dying of boredom.”
10. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 12th at Fontana in the No. 43 Richard Petty Motorsports Ford.
“We weren’t that far from Hollywood,” Almirola said, “so you probably noticed a few movie stars in attendance. To be honest, NASCAR doesn’t need movie stars; this sport needs directors. Maybe if they say ‘Action!’ there will actually be some.”
