Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Larson: Larson won his third-straight points race, this time crushing the field at Nashville, new to the Cup series calendar.
“I’m still counting my million from winning the All-Star Race at Texas,” Larson said. “It may be the first time my accountant had to work harder than my publicist.”
2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin had to pit for fuel late at Nashville and eventually finished 22nd.
“At this point last year,” Hamlin said, “I had 3 wins. At this point last year, Kyle Larson had one big ‘L.'”
3. William Byron: Byron took third in the Ally 400 at Nashville as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kyle Larson won.
“Kyle may be winning everything,” Byron said, “but I bet someone else will have the ‘last laugh.’ That someone else will probably be Quin Houff because he finishes last and everyone laughs.”
4. Chase Elliott: Elliott won Stage 2 and finished 13th in the Ally 400 at Nashville but was disqualified for having five loose lug nuts in post-race inspection. He was relegated to a last-place finish and had the Stage 2 win taken from him.
“In light of what Kyle Larson’s done in the last month or so,” Elliott said, “I was just happy to be able to say I won something, emphasis on was.”
5. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 15th at Nashville, his first result outside the top 10 since Darlington in early May.
“I signed a contract extension through 2023,” Bowman said. “Add that to my list of ‘signature wins.'”
6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 10th at Nashville.
“Nashville is known as the ‘Music City,'” Logano said. “The city where I hear officially that Brad Keselowski is leaving Penske will be known as the ‘Music To My Ears City.'”
7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex struggled all day at Nashville and finished a disappointing 23rd in the Ally 400.
“Kyle Larson led 264 of 300 laps,” Truex said. “He dominated. The Nashville victor is awarded a guitar, but let’s face it, Larson beat us like a drum.'”
8. Kyle Busch: Kyle Busch finished 11th in the Ally 400.
“I won my 100th Xfinity series race on Saturday at Nashville,” Busch said. “It feels like Kyle Larson has won his 100th Cup series race.”
9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick ran out of gas on the final lap but was able to coast to a fifth-place finish at Nashville.
“The No. 4 Chevy sported the ‘Grave Digger’ paint scheme,” Harvick said. “If you’ve been living under a rock, or in a non-mobile home, then you probably don’t know that ‘Grave Digger’ is a monster truck.”
10. Christopher Bell: Bell finished ninth at Nashville, posting his first top 10 since Richmond in April.
“NASCAR hired New Orleans Saints running back Alvin Kamara,” Bell said. “His title is ‘growth and engagement manager.’ So, if you’re a small person looking to add muscle and find a spouse, Alvin should be able to help you.”