Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth in the Folds Of Honor Qwik Trip 500 at Atlanta.
“Atlanta gives fans superspeedway racing on a small scale,” Logano said. “Warm and sunny weather indicates that shirtless fans’ bellies still come in the large scale.”
2. William Byron: Byron led a race-high 111 laps and sailed to the win at Atlanta, giving Hendrick Motorsports its third win this year.
“Contrary to what the actions of two of our drivers may indicate,” Byron said, “Hendrick Motorsports is a tightly-knit, cohesive, and always-friendly group. The only ‘ill will’ in this organization is me when I don’t get enough sleep. Or, at least that’s what Rick Hendrick would like me to say in public.”
3. Chase Briscoe: Briscoe started on the pole and finished 15th at Atlanta.
“I’m just glad I made it to the finish line,” Briscoe said. “As you saw, there were a lot of wrecks and spins. But for once this season, Brad Keselowski wasn’t involved in any of them. It just goes to show, there’s chaos, and then there’s ‘K-os.'”
4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished sixth at Atlanta.
“I think the racing at Atlanta was incredible,” Elliott said, “for fans in attendance, as well as those watching on television. There were 46 lead changes. Usually, if you’re watching at home, there are at least 46 channel changes.”
5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney won Stage 2 and was contending for the win late before contact with Bubba Wallace sent Blaney into the outside wall. Blaney finished 17th.
“Bubba may drive the McDonald’s car,” Blaney said, “but I’m definitely not loving it. But that’s the nature of fast tracks like Atlanta’s: you just never know when you’re gonna get taken out by the ‘Big One,’ or, in this case, the ‘Big Mac.'”
6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led five laps and finished eighth in the Folds Of Honor Qwik Trip 500.
“Atlanta Motor Speedway was recently resurfaced,” Truex said. “Many of us are wondering when Denny Hamlin will ‘resurface’ this season.”
7. Aric Almirola: Almirola was running in the top five late before being bumped into a spin. He recovered to finish 22nd.
“We would have loved to have a top-10 finish,” Almirola said. “That’s what our sponsors want to see as well. Especially Smithfield. Those guys party when we do well. If we’re lucky enough to win, it’s a downright sausage fest.”
8. Kurt Busch: Busch survived a major accident on Lap 145 and recovered to finish third at Atlanta, his second top-five of the season.
“And speaking of ‘major accidents,'” Busch said, “my younger brother Kyle was one, if you listen to my parents, which Kyle does not. They shouldn’t feel bad, though, because Kyle doesn’t listen to anyone.”
9. Kyle Larson: While getting a push from Denny Hamlin on lap 212, Larson spun and hit the wall, ending his day. He finished 30th.
“I’m not going to blame Denny for the incident,” Larson said. “But I will say this: some of us wear crowns, while others wear dunce caps.”
10. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 35th after wrecking with Austin Dillon in Stage 1. Busch was able to continue but called it a day after 171 laps.
“It’s early retirements like this,” Busch said, “that make me consider early retirement.
“Now, did I refuse to apologize to Austin Dillon for my part in wrecking him? I did not. But that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry. Heck, ask anybody around here. They’ll tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I’m the ‘sorriest.'”