Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Richmond, posting his ninth top five of the year.
“Short track racing is the best,” Elliott said. “There were a lot of cars making contact on the track, which I’m sure the fans love. But really, what the fans really want to see are drivers making contact, off the track.”
2. Joey Logano: Logano powered to the Stage 2 win, but faded late and eventually finished sixth at Richmond.
“We led a race-high 222 laps,” Logano said, “but once the sun went down, we struggled to find the right balance. That’s what’s known as the ‘NASCAR gods throwing shade’ at me.”
3. Kevin Harvick: One week after winning at Michigan, Harvick surged late and held off Chris Buecher and Christopher Bell to win at Richmond.
“It was Cup win number 60,” Harvick said. “That’s a number that some of these younger drivers have a hard time fathoming. They hear ‘Kevin Harvick’ and ’60’ and think, ‘I thought he was older.'”
4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth at Richmond.
“Kevin Harvick is the hottest driver in NASCAR right now,” Hamlin said. “Once the NASCAR playoffs start, I contend Harvick will be a ‘4’ to be reckoned with.”
5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was clipped early by Ricky Stenhouse Jr. who missed pit road and swerved into the path of Truex’s No. 19 Toyota. Truex fell a lap down but recovered to post a seventh at Richmond.
“Stenhouse’s car was primarily sponsored by Kleenex,” Truex said. “That should come in handy for him because as I’m in a fight to make the playoffs, I don’t need a snot-nosed kid getting in my way.”
6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney ran in the top 10 for the majority of the race on his way to a 10th in the Federated Auto Parts 400.
“My car sported the ‘Body Armor’ paint scheme,” Blaney said. “And in today’s racing climate, I can’t stress enough the importance of having Body Armor. ‘Body armor’ is practically a must-have, especially with Ross Chastain on the track.”
7. Christopher Bell: Bell charged late at Richmond, but couldn’t catch Kevin Harvick and settled for the runner-up finish in the Federated Auto Parts 400.
“I tried my best to catch Kevin Harvick there at the end,” Bell said. “But I just couldn’t get closer to the ‘Closer.’
“But congratulations to Harvick on his 60th win. That’s 58 more Cup wins that I have, and 59 more facial hairs than I have.’
8. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Richmond and finished 14th, one lap down, in the Federated Auto Parts 400.
“We just couldn’t get the car dialed in,” Larson said. “So it was a frustrating day for me. But I’ve learned that when I’m frustrated, I should keep my head down and keep my mouth shut, with special priority on the ‘keep my mouth shut’ part.”
“But answer me this. Is there a valid reason the Federated Auto Parts 400 is not abbreviated the ‘FAP 400?’ I’m guessing there is”.
9. Kyle Busch: Busch finished ninth in the Federated Auto Parts 400.
“I made contact with Ross Chastain at one point during the race,” Busch said. “But then again, who hasn’t?
“Kevin Harvick tied me with his 60th Cup series win. That does not make me ‘Happy.’ And it may be the first time I’ve been on the same ‘page’ with Harvick.”
10. Ross Chastain: Chastain won Stage 1 and finished 18th at Richmond.
“Another day,” Chastain said, “another wreck that was my fault. I’m pretty sure I’ve set a record this year, for most apologies in one season. My No. 1 Chevy had ‘Be A Moose’ on it; maybe it should have read ‘Be At Fault.'”
