Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third at Iowa.
“I think I can speak for Chase Elliott fans,” Elliott said, “and NASCAR fans in general, when I saw that as far as corn products go, they’d rather drink them than eat them.”
2. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole and led 80 laps while winning Stage 2. But contact with Daniel Suarez on Lap 220 spun Larson into the path of Denny Hamlin. Larson’s No. 5 Chevy suffered significant damage. He eventually finished 34th.
“It’s not wise to go three wide,” Larson said. “I did, and it cost me. Suarez really did a number on me. His number is ’99,’ but that number is ’86.’ In the state of Iowa, that’s called getting ‘cornholed.'”
3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney won Stage 1, took charge late and held off William Byron to win the Iowa Corn 350, Blaney’s first win of the season.
“It feels great to win,” Blaney said. “With this being the Iowa Corn 350 and me being a humble fellow, all I can say is ‘Aww shucks.'”
4. William Byron: Byron finished second in the Iowa Corn 350, posting his sixth top 5 of the season.
“Even with newer tires,” Byron said, “I still couldn’t catch Blaney. I guess his No. 12 Ford, much like his sister Erin, was out of my league.”
5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin struggled early, but made his way into the top 10 before an accident with Daniel Suarez and Kyle Larson caused damage to the No. 11 Toyota. Hamlin finished 24th.
“We were just very inconsistent,” Hamlin said. “My car, much like Suarez’s driving, was all over the place.”
6. Christopher Bell: Bell finished fourth in the Iowa Corn 350, posting his fifth top 5 of the year.
“I thought Ryan Blaney really held up well at the end,” Bell said. “He fought off all challengers and maintained the lead under lots of pressure from William Byron and other drivers. Of course, it’s the Iowa Corn 350; you should expect to be ‘stalked.'”
7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 10th in the Iowa Corn 350.
“The street address of Iowa Speedway is 3333 Rusty Wallace Drive,” Keselowski said. “That’s because Rusty designed the race track. The track is D-shaped, and that was done in honor of Rusty’s longtime teammate Ryan Newman, who was D-headed.”
8. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 11th in the Iowa Corn 350.
“Grimace was on Bubba Wallace’s No. 23 Toyota,” Chastain said. “Grimace was also at the track. He was the purple blob. More specifically, he was the Jimmy Spencer-shaped purple blob.”
9. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 15th at Iowa.
“I announced that the 2024 season will be my last as a full-time driver,” Truex said. “If I could cap off the season with the Cup championship, it would be awesome. That way, I could say I won going away.”
10. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 22nd at Iowa.
“This was the first NASCAR Cup Series race at Iowa Speedway,” Reddick said. “The site of the track used to be a cornfield, which makes it just like every other structure in the state.”
