Seeking: Single or married men, 18-35, must enjoy fast cars and having a good time

Seeking:  Single or married men, 18-35, must enjoy fast cars and having a good time….and like being harassed at airports.

Shame on you.

You probably clicked on this link, thinking that I was looking for a hot date.

Well, I’m not.

Actually, believe it or not, NASCAR is looking for a guy, any guy (preferably in groups of hundreds or thousands), between the ages of 18-35. Oh, and before I forget, I really don’t think they care what age you are, ‘8 to 80’ (following one ‘dirty old man’ joke) even works, but right now, the 18-35 demographic is disappearing at an alarming rate, so I don’t think the France Cartel is too picky as to who shows up for a good time.

The good part?

On this particular date, you don’t have to buy dinner, open a door, or even be considerate of their feelings. You don’t even have to leave the house.

The bad part?

To get the full effect, instead of just watching a race on TV, you’ll need to see a race in person, which means you will have to spend some money. A lot of money.  Oh, and unless you’re driving to a NASCAR race, you’ll probably be flying, which means, that with the new TSA (Transparent Security Administration, because it’s not designed to actually work) ‘enhanced’ security guidelines, you’ll get to be a lot more friendly with the security goons at your local airport….oh yeah, and at the airport closest to the event in question….a truly-wonderful ‘two-fer’.

And on a side note….has anyone stopped to consider what these new ‘enhanced security guidelines’ enacted by the Oba-mao administration are going to do to race attendance?

Just in case you’ve been really spending too much time focusing on NASCAR, and not taking a moment to see what’s going on in the world around you, these new ‘security guidelines’ involve a new type of body scanner that gives a frightening clear view of your family jewels….and other body parts, if you’re not a guy….and there is some indication that the images taken from these scanners are somehow now popping up on the internet….oh, and if you’re not up for other people taking a gander at whether or not you made a good grade on the evolutionary scale (concerning the family jewels department), men and women with surgical gloves on await you in a side room to give you a full pat-down, lifting up various bodily components (both men and women have them, I’ll leave it to your imagination as to what I’m talking about) to verify you aren’t packing a 10-megaton nuclear warhead in either your Victoria’s Secret undergarments (both the upper and lower), or your Hanes tighty-whities.

Oh, and by the way? There is no other option. Once you’re in the airport….you’re screwed. One man who attempted to defy both searches, and was kicked off of his flight….he’s facing a world of hurt right now. Do some searching, and you’ll find out what I’m talking about. For all intents and purposes, that man has become a hero, and is now facing the mother of all legal battles.

I’m really not trying to scare you right now….I don’t have to. NASCAR, and other racing series (oh yeah, what about the ‘other’ guys?) are already facing a kick in the shins from this disastrous economy, and depending on who you talk to, this is only the beginning….and now, those who actually attend the races are going to be harassed further, viewed unclothed via’ electronic means or groped (if they fly), and this is supposed to be good for the sport (or any sport, for that matter)?

There’s a two-fold issue here:

First, once people realize what’s going on in the airports (I don’t have enough time to type out the horror stories already coming out), and how this administration is now attempting to destroy the airline industry….they’re not going to want to fly….anywhere. I don’t want to fly anywhere. And I haven’t even been on a plane in at least a decade. I haven’t been in an airport but once those same ten years (August of this year, fetching my sister from a flight, you just gotta love the hour-and-a-half wait in line to get on a plane).

I’m not scared of flying….I love planes (I’m a WWII Aviation nut). These new guidelines haven’t deterred me from wanting to fly, and I’m somewhat-comfortable enough with what I was equipped with from God that I’m not worried about people seeing me digitally-unclothed in a TSA scanner.

However, I’m not going to play the game. And that’s really what this is. A game. A game played by people who weren’t elected into office by the voting public, and since they aren’t answerable to that same voting public…there aren’t really any consequences to their actions, are there?

And we’re the ones who suffer. And those who are suffering? We did some housecleaning a couple of weeks ago at the polls. We’ve got another round in 2012, provided we last that long. There are some seriously-scary problems headed our way, and I don’t know how it’s going to turn out.

Getting back to the airport thingie, the aeronautical (which sort of means ‘flying’ for those of you who vote Democrat) public, whether they are folks who enjoy going to NASCAR races, or fly to see relatives they really had no business moving ten states away from, they’re seriously going to re-think their travel plans once they realize what’s going on. This is bad for auto racing in general, not just for the France Cartel.

I talk to dozens of people a day. It is part of my day job. Nobody wants to fly now. And nobody I know really wants to be stuck in a seat on a plane, sitting next to a Democrat (there is some discussion as to which is worse; the security gate, or being stuck in a seat next to someone who votes ‘D’).

Wait a minute….I was supposed to be writing a ‘humorous’ editorial here, wasn’t I?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch….

Part two of the ‘two-fold’ issue: NASCAR is really going to have to make some changes to the cars, the tracks, and the type of racing they’re doing, something so spectacular (as opposed to craptacular) as to make people want to forget about the horrors at the airport.

This will be addressed in another editorial….but for now, in spite of all of the terrors that the outside world is trying to foist upon you, NASCAR would still like to take you out on a date….remember, at the very least, you don’t have to leave the comfort of your own chair/couch/loveseat/anti-gravity field/iron maiden to enjoy the outing.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it ‘the Car of Tomorrow’.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of


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