The NASCAR Dark Ages

[media-credit id=42 align=”alignright” width=”278″][/media-credit]I WAS A BIT DISGUSTED…. ….when I discovered, in 2011, that Ford Motor Company would not be using the Mustang nameplate in 2013, when the generic, disastrous Car of Tomorrow is rightfully shelved in favor of an offering quasi-recognizable as something that might actually appear in an automobile dealer’s showroom. Being that the Mustang (a bland, shapeless form of it, anyway) is already utilized in the Nationwide series, and has some 45+ years of history, I thought it would be a great idea to use this car in the top two tiers of NASCAR competition.

The Fusion, given the car’s short, pointless existence as a rental car standout, being named as the banner that would carry Ford into the uncharted hinterland that represents the 2013 season did not exactly inspire confidence from anyone that I personally know, so I was a bit puzzled when I read the news.

The Fusion? Yeah, right, that’s a great idea. While you’re at it, why not bring back the Edsel?

2013 will be stock-car racing’s version of a football game third-down conversion; when the France cartel closes the book on the darkest chapter in NASCAR’s entire history—the Car of Tomorrow Dark Ages—the pressure will be on Daytona Beach to turn this sport around and make it become interesting again for the fans who have abandoned it, and the sponsors who feel like stock car racing is no longer a viable option, content merely to air commercials during the race, never mind that if enough of them bail out of supporting race teams, there eventually will be a tipping point where there won’t be an event to air commercials on….

That last sentence, while a bit lengthy for those who might be attention-span-challenged, makes me wonder if companies who bailed out of team support in favor of merely airing commercials know that they’re riding both sides of the fence, milking the system until it crashes, and then bolting from the house when the parents show up, knowing that NASCAR cannot last too much longer, losing sponsor support for their teams, and acknowledging that less fans are planting butts in the seats, so why not scam the system until it breaks?

The Fusion, to me, is the recalcitrant poster child for what’s wrong with the entire auto industry. The Mustang, even though it’s an engineering disaster of leviathan scope (more on that later), that car, especially with the entire lineup practically screaming ‘Sporty!’ in a crowded theater, it appeared to be the logical high-performance nameplate that could stir the masses into becoming interested in NASCAR again, ever since the Big Three began shoving soulless, plastic crapboxes down customers’ throats during the late 1980’s/early 1990’s.

I sincerely thought it was a hideously stupid decision….at least until a few weeks ago, when Ford revealed the 2013 Fusion NASCAR Sprint Cup entry.

To say that I was surprised….yeah, that’s a good word for it. Not only is this car freaking hot to look at, for the first time in its entire history, at least from the Ford camp, anyway, NASCAR has a car that looks like it belongs on almost any race course, whether it be a short-track bullring, or one of the world’s most prestigious road courses, such as Le Mans, Road America, Sebring, you name it, it looks like it should be sharing company with Aston Martin, Jaguar, Audi, Ferrari (well, maybe not Ferrari, bunch of overpriced Italians anyway); a world player for the world’s stage. With the new Fusion, provided it doesn’t perform like a lumbering dump truck on the track, NASCAR finally has a car that will shut up legions of naysayers who have mocked this series for decades, insisting that stock-car racing isn’t a real sport, never mind that the only non-NASCAR regular driver ever to come in from outside an oval-based sport and win that I can think of is….Mario Andretti, or Dan Gurney….over 40 years ago?

The Fusion is the game-changer.

But will anyone care?

NASCAR shoved the Car of Tomorrow down the throats of fans, sponsors, and teams alike. I find it rather interesting that one of the primary reasons for implementation of this new chassis design was to enhance competition, however, the France Cartel is looking rather unintelligent right now, considering that a certain robotic, bland driver has won, oh, I don’t know, five freaking titles in a row with the ‘equal’ car…gee, call me silly, but that doesn’t appear to be a viable train of logic, does it? Force everyone to start over from scratch; everyone begins with a clean sheet, so anyone can now win, right?

Wrong.

When this new ‘equal’ car was unleashed, so began a reign of dominance by one team, the likes of which have never before been seen in almost all of motorsports (with few exceptions), which is essentially what happens when you begin an experiment in socialism; this new platform will ensure that everyone will have an equal shot to win…with some more equal than others. Those who had big budgets before the change started off with the new car…still having big budgets. Those with more money adapt to the new car faster than other teams who don’t have as much, and with the idiots at Daytona Beach turning a blind eye to the rapidly-developing engineering Cold War between the mega-teams, it was only a matter of time before the smaller guys were either ran off, or swallowed up entirely, with innovation being limited to whatever is conjured up in the larger operations.

Basically, absolutely nothing changed with switching to a boring, uninspiring ‘spec’ race car; the winners kept on winning, the losers kept on crashing spectacularly and creating spectacular highlight reels. The difference, however, is that when the COT showed up, the amount of different race winners began dwindling, or if they didn’t shrink, the teams that the winners drove for became less in number.

By the way, on a side note, why am I humming a certain tune from ‘Animal Farm’ as I’m typing this?

This is the summary of what occurred: Great idea #1. Force every team to buy a ‘spec’ race car if they want to compete.

Great idea #2. Allow the ‘haves’ to purchase expensive, reverse-engineering equipment that allows them to bypass not having on-board computers (Formula 1), and tune a car from the outside in. Those who can’t afford a multi-million-dollar, 7-post shaker rig are left to fend for themselves, allowing big-budget teams to become even bigger as the little guys can’t keep up in this reverse-engineering spending war, which threatens to approach Formula 1 levels of stupidity.

Great idea #3. Repeatedly claim to the race-watching public that the racing is better than ever, even though a dwindling number of drivers are winning each season.

Great idea #4. Allow owners to grow their operations to upwards of five teams, feign outrage about teams being too big, and then pare them down to a measly four, because we all know that the little guys will really be able to win against the super-teams, now that that the bad guys have been dealt a massive (non) blow. The only ones who actually see a victory here are NASCAR themselves, and the press who don’t want to lose ‘insider’ access, while the fans smell ‘stupid’ and begin to stay home.

Great idea #5. Since the new COT is as interesting as watching gray paint dry, the ‘Brian’ trust decides to change the bloated, 36-race season into an incredibly-slimmed-down, 26+10 format, with the final ten races being the ‘playoffs’ for the top-ten (funded) drivers and teams. And for those who are outside of the bubble….well, if nobody knows you exist, and sponsors sponsor you for reasons of promoting exposure to their product, there’s not really much of a reason to sponsor you, is there, if you’re not receiving any exposure, even though you might be leading a race during the ‘Chase’?

If you’re reading this, you probably already know what happened, and have a firm understanding of what occurs when a racing series begins to crap on its fans. I personally refuse to spend money on attending an event, and others out there are following suit, to the point where entire grandstand sections of Sprint Cup races are empty, and yet the NASCAR house band continues to play on, while Rome burns.

This is why the 2013 season is so important. I have absolutely no idea what’s going to be done about the 2012 season, since the (old) Car Of Some Hideous Alternate Tomorrow is still the showcase (yawn) automobile of NASCAR. The biggest non-story of 2012 will be the switch to fuel-injection, simply because there is no other news going on out there, other than what really needs to be reported; fans are staying home, and they’re not even bothering to watch the race on TV for free. However, since Daytona Beach doesn’t want anyone pointing out the Emperor’s New Driver Suit, we’re still going to be inundated with non-headlines such as:

“Danica drops lipstick during race, takes out 23 other cars”

“Kurt Busch still thinks all crew chiefs are idiots”

“Dale Jr. still can’t seem to win a race”

“Kurt Busch loses ride (again), but immediately wins spot driving track-drying truck”

“Mark Martin secures additional team sponsorship from Sunsweet Prunes, company declares that Martin is the ‘Face of Prunes’…”

“Kurt Busch seen arguing vehemently with Jiffy Lube mechanic after oil change”

“Danica proves that she can cause massive, on-track crashes just like any male Sprint Cup driver, erases gender gap”

“Kurt Busch has spirited disagreement with random guy checking his air pressure at gas station”

“Drivers say that Goodyear can’t build a matched set of tires to save their lives, Goodyear says that the teams couldn’t set up a car even if their lives depend upon it, and a certain hot dog vendor at Martinsville swears that if that one guy in section 4A gives him yet another $100 bill and will only accept his change in $1 bills, he’s gonna ‘spit on that *#%hole’s food’…”

….and that’s pretty much what’s going to be the top headlines at Nascar.com for the 2012 season.

There’s a problem with the Car of Tomorrow, to be entirely honest. We are all merely flies on the wall as to what is going to be a very public discussion; why is NASCAR replacing their ‘Spec’ car if it was so great to begin with? Nobody is asking this publicly; in fact, there seems to be no major mention of how big of a failure the COT really was, no, let’s just focus on non-news, and hope that our epic mistake simply goes away, kind of like how we swept under the rug the cheaters we allowed to continue racing, often with illegal cars; if they won with them, oh well, we’re NASCAR, and if you want to continue playing, well, just shut up about it.

This will be another unreported story of 2012; how the manufacturers finally had enough, and insisted that recognizable offerings be allowed onto the track.

The Fusion represents vision, the Car of Tomorrow is a marketing scheme gone horribly awry, indicative of the lack of imagination from the soulless group who dreamed it up; does anyone else find it interesting that the Car of Tomorrow closely resembled the unimaginative soul of its designer? The Fusion looks like it was designed by a talented, gifted inventor who had a remarkable vision first, and then did his very best to make it look as it did in the initial sketch, while the COT looks like it was the answer to the question pretty much nobody out there was asking, the heartless idea of a cold, calculating salesman who has a sales goal first, and then has a car created by committee…that is what the Car of Tomorrow is to me.

Yes, I’m very aware that Ford Motor Company is a corporation, as is the France Cartel. The difference, however, is that Ford’s business is that of making automobiles, while the France Cartel makes…entertainment. The Car of Tomorrow is the napkin drawing of a business owner’s half-wit, idiot son, turned into reality by the owner so that his son will shut up and go away, since he really can’t fire his kid. The safety innovations are the owner’s insistence that it at least should be safe, but the fact remains that the overall basic COT looks like it was created in crayon.

This dilemma transcends NASCAR’s ranks, to be entirely honest. This attention to ‘product’ has all but escaped auto manufacturers until very recently, so while Ford might be doing something wonderful with the new Fusion…the same might not be said about their other offerings. A few nights ago, a friend of mine expressed some interest in replacing an aging BMW two-door that he uses as both a work beater, and autocross toy. To that end, since I wasn’t getting anywhere with some college writing homework of mine anyway, I said, ‘well, let’s play’, and so we scoured various auto manufacturers’ websites, in order to ‘build’ a new, suitable replacement.

There is a point to all of this, by the way. Please remain patient.

I caught myself in awe of how many…literal piles of overpriced, stupidly-complex garbage dotting the landscape. He insisted on staying with BMW, but the only decent car we could find was the…128 coupe…a stripped-down model for around $36,000. A basic 3-series wagon went for….$53,000, only with a couple of options (M sport suspension package and brakes, but the stock 230hp inline 6 engine and base 6-speed manual).

Yes, we all know that BMW is expensive, but at least you have an idea of what they’re selling. Moving onto Ford….and the Mustang….you can get a base Mustang GT, with a 412hp, 5.0L V8, and a 6-speed manual for around $30,000. However, before we get too carried away, and suggest what a savings this might be in our current, inflation-raging world, let’s take a look at what we’re getting, shall we?

Note #1: This chassis still uses a straight rear axle…dating back from since the Mustang was first created…in 1965. The only changes have been from leaf springs, to a horrific, dirt-cheap 4-link suspension, a brief tangle with independent rear suspension during the 1999, 2001, 2003-2004 model years….and it was also garbage. For 2005, Ford decided to go ‘high tech’, and design an all-new 3-link rear suspension setup….which also didn’t work too well….and is in the current, 2012 Mustang…even in the 2012 Shelby GT500, which has well over 500 horsepower. That’s right, you’re still getting ancient technology in a brand-new car.

Note 2: The front suspension goes straight back to the thrilling days of 1978, when Macpherson struts were code-word for ‘pretty freaking cheap way to get the front of the car to go around a corner’…and it still is, in modern-day 2012. Oddly enough, the best front suspension that ever found its way onto a modern Ford automobile was the double A-arm arrangement of the 1989-1997 Thunderbird…which also had rear independent suspension. It was to be a BMW-level vehicle, produced by Ford….which means they screwed it up something fierce. However, the Mustang still soldiers on with the ancient strut arrangement…on the new car.

Note 3: Just in case you didn’t notice what was going on in the world around you? American automakers are shipping manufacturing jobs overseas, but are still pimping cars produced with foreign-made parts to a shrinking market here in the United States. This trend also goes for manual transmission production, and in this specific case, the 6-speed, Getrag MT-82 manual transmission used in the 2011 and 2012, American-built Ford Mustang is being produced in China. You might want to read that last line again.

Ford ‘American’ muscle cars are not alone; both Chevy and Dodge use foreign-built Aisin manual transmissions in their Camaro and Challenger, and like the Mustang, the transmissions are failing at a horrific rate.

Of course, you won’t see much of this reported anywhere, as legions of anonymous ‘fanboys’ (scores of them showed up out of nowhere to assail troubled owners at one point, some of them supposedly were from Ford themselves) have shown up in droves to shoot down anyone who has a complaint on a message board, and if you show up at a Ford dealership….there still isn’t a ‘fix’ for broken Mustang transmissions, so don’t bother trying to show up. A recent NHTSA investigation ignored scores of customer complaints, and gave FoMoCo a pass, but Ford was forced to admit that they were throwing everything and the kitchen sink at repairing the Chinese-built 6-speed manual without issuing a recall…after they said that anyone with a complaint about their 6-speed manual (paraphrasing) was simply too stupid to know how to drive their cars…which can also be said about problems concerning Ford’s SYNC system.

Dodge and Chevy/Government Motors, as of my last time looking into this issue, were doing really well in taking care of customers…but I will never darken a Ford dealer’s doorway ever again, after seeing how some of these people were treated.

This isn’t the only issue plaguing car buyers nowadays. When is the last time you drove a newer truck in which you didn’t have a more-than-45-degree sloping windshield? When is the last time you sat behind the wheel of one of these behemoths, and didn’t have two gigantic windshield posts sloping directly across your peripheral vision, possibly blocking your ability to see a child on a bicycle as you turn into a driveway?

Why is it that you can’t buy a simple, basic hot-rod (like the original 5.0 Mustang), something you might be able to wrench on yourself, instead of having to fork out hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to a tuner, even if you’re simply having a basic cold-air kit installed? I don’t remember being consulted as to whether or not I wanted airbags; we’re the only country on this planet that forces automakers to make their cabins safe for unbelted drivers, yet only New Hampshire and maybe one other state don’t have punishing laws on their books for drivers who don’t wear their seatbelt?

With startling few exceptions, most automobiles have become either cartoonishly-large monstrosities (since when does a Subaru Outback take up about the same space as a late 1990’s Chevy Tahoe, or how does a ‘compact’ Toyota Corolla become as long as one of my old 1970-1971 Torinos?), with grills the size of a large dinner table (any modern American-built truck), or shapeless blobs that have little to no soul in their design. In addition to this phenomenon, weight has gone up, gas mileage has gone down, technical complexity has gone way up, reliability has dropped way down, and oh yeah, price has gone up.

Is it possible that there just might be another reason why people aren’t interested in NASCAR, and possibly other series? Could it be that we’re simply burned out with the whole ‘car’ thing in general? Has the entry price for playing gone so far out of the stratosphere, that it’s simply easier just to buy a boring family beater, and focus on screwing around with a cell-phone toy instead?

There is nothing, and I mean nothing out there to stir the soul, short of a couple of muscle cars, such as the Mustang, Camaro, and Challenger, and all three have major faults: The Camaro looks just like a Transformer toy, and has tiny, pillbox windows, creating an incredibly claustrophobic cabin; the Challenger is a freaking gigantic tank; and the Mustang, while the engine is phenomenal, the rest of the car is…old, you’re not buying a new car when you get the Mustang GT, you’re simply paying for Ford’s 5.0 engine development, and rehashed chassis bits.

Nothing exists that makes me want to sell my children off, mortgage the house for, or engage in any other stupidity associated with the craze one feels when seeing something new and exciting for the first time at a dealership. However, on a side note, anyone else notice how much money people are paying for vintage cars? You know, cars that actually had a soul? Chrome? An actual grille? Something that still makes you want to drool uncontrollably whenever you see or hear one coming? Gee, maybe the greed-fest auto actions have it right after all…