Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch: Busch won the Ford EcoBoost 400, holding off Kevin Harvick to win his first Sprint Cup championship. Busch missed the first 11 races of the season after breaking his leg at a crash at Daytona in February.
“A pasty white guy from Las Vegas is the Sprint Cup champion,” Busch said. “Ironically, all other driver ‘pale’ in comparison to me.
“I’ve always dreamed of beating Jeff Gordon for the Sprint Cup championship. I guess dreams do come true. Apparently, when I was a kid, I had very vivid and colorful dreams. But those dreams were nothing like the ones I had on painkillers after surgery to repair my broken leg.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started 13th on the grid and finished second to Kyle Busch.
“’Second’ has been the story of my year,” Harvick said. “I can’t tell you how many times I finished second this year, but I can tell that I will be counting the seconds until the start of the 2016 season.”
3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon started fifth at Homestead and finished sixth, as Kyle Busch won the race to capture the Sprint Cup championship.
“I couldn’t believe the support I received,” Gordon said, “even in a losing effort. It reminded me of the applause that erupted when Matt Kenseth wrecked Joey Logano at Martinsville. Without that, I wouldn’t even be here.
4. Joey Logano: Logano started second at Homestead and finished fourth, posting his 22nd top-five result of the year.
“I dominated the circuit this season,” Logano said, “so you tell me who the rightful Sprint Cup champion should be. I had six wins and 22 top-10 finishes. You do the math. And speaking of math, if you subtracted Matt Kenseth from the equation, I would be Cup champion.”
5. Kurt Busch: Busch finished eighth at Homestead, posting his 21st top 10 of the year.
“Now there are two Sprint Cup championships in the family,” Busch said. “I guess I’ll have to call my brother ‘champ.’ He’s, of course, been called worse.”
6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole at Homestead, his fourth Coors Light pole of the season.
“I tore my knee up playing basketball earlier this year,” Hamlin said. “So, I’m going to have it surgically repaired. Hopefully, the doctors will use pins and screws because there’s a gas pedal that says my leg definitely needs to be heavier.”
7. Carl Edwards: Edwards led eight laps and finished 11th at Homestead.
“Congratulations to Kyle Busch,” Edwards said. “He’ll be a great champion. However, I’m not sure if his reign will do any favors for NASCAR’s Drive For Diversity program because Kyle will be the whitest champion ever.”
8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex qualified 11th at Homestead and finished 12th, the lowest among championship-eligible drivers.
“This Chase For The Cup had it all,” Truex said. “Intentional wrecks, intentional wrecks made to look unintentional, intentional wrecks gone unpunished by NASCAR, and intentional wrecks punished by NASCAR. It was ‘quint-intentional.’”
9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took third in the Ford EcoBoost 400, recording his ninth top five of the year.
“Jeff Gordon was the sentimental favorite,” Keselowski said. “There were a lot of people pulling for him to win, almost as many as were pulling for Kevin Harvick not to win.”
10.Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 10th at Homestead, posting his 22nd top 10 of the year.
“I received an odd drive-through penalty,” Johnson said. “Apparently, a crew member put his hip into a big dent in the side of the No. 48 Chevy. That’s a no-no. NASCAR’s rule book states that it’s illegal for cars to be powered by ‘pelvic thrust.’”
