Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex dominated at Dover, leading 187 laps on his way to the win in the Citizen Soldiers 400. Truex has two wins in three Chase races and has emerged as a clear Cup favorite.
“I talked with New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi earlier in the week,” Truex said. “We could have talked forever, but due to both our busy schedules, we had to cut it short. You could say we made it to ‘third base.'”
2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole and finished fourth, leading seven laps.
“Sadly,” Keselowski said, “Tony Stewart has been eliminated from the Chase. Tony finished 13th, but he needed some other drivers to have bad results. Unfortunately, and Ryan Newman can vouch for this, Tony didn’t get the help he needed.”
3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 37th at Dover, his worst finish of the season after a broken track bar suffered early in the race sent him to the garage for repairs.
“Luckily,” Harvick said, “I won at New Hampshire, so my spot in the next round of the Chase was secure. So, I didn’t have to cause a wreck to make it to the next round. A lot of drivers said I did that on purpose. Maybe I did. But I’m here to say I’m a changed man. My only ‘intent’ now is to win the Sprint Cup championship.”
4. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Dover, posting his 20th top 10 of the year.
“Next up is Charlotte Motor Speedway,” Logano said. “Traditionally, we’ve seen a lot of mechanical failures at CMS. Not with the cars, mind you, but when we race there, all hell ‘breaks’ loose.”
5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Dover and advanced to the next round of the Chase For The Cup.
“I visited the White House on Wednesday,” Busch said. “I was honored as the 2015 Sprint Cup champion. You know, I have a lot in common with President Obama. We’re both brothers, and we both take care of business in our own respective ‘Oval Office.'”
6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started seventh and finished ninth in the Citizen Soldier 400.
“Martin Truex’s second win of the Chase solidified the notion that Toyota engines are the class of the field,” Hamlin said. “Can Toyota pull off another win when the Chase hits Charlotte? Without a doubt. If that happens, it would an instance of ‘easy, three-sy, Japanese-y.'”
7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth came home fifth at Dover as all four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers advanced to the next round of the Chase.
“Now we’re on to Charlotte,” Kenseth said. “Two years ago there, I attacked Brad Keselowski after we tangled during the race. That’s what happens when the tension of the Chase builds: drivers butt heads. In most cases, drivers are butt heads.”
8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished seventh at Dover on a day when he had a car good enough to win. But a drive-through penalty accessed when his jackman jumped the wall too early cost him.
“I think we were well on our way to a victory,” Johnson said, “but then my jackman ‘jumped to a conclusion.'”
9. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 15th at Dover, two laps down, and punched his ticket to the next round of the Chase.
“The XFINITY Series race was called the ‘Drive Sober 200,'” Busch said. “I think it’s great that NASCAR is encouraging people to drive sober. But this is NASCAR. I don’t think you’ll ever see the ‘Bring Your Cooler To The Race But Drive Sober 200.'”
10. (tie) Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 14th, one lap down, in the Citizens Soldier 400 at Dover.
“That was not my best performance,” Edwards said. “Dover’s ‘Monster Mile’ rendered me a ‘Monster Mild,’ which is also how most drivers, who dislike me but don’t hate me, would describe me.”
10. (tie) Chase Elliott: Elliott posted his ninth top-five finish of the year with a third at Dover and advanced to Round 2 of the Chase For The Cup.
“I’m the only rookie left in the Chase,” Elliott said. “And I’m devoted to becoming the first rookie to win the Cup. My slogan from here on is ‘Chase For The Cup,’ assuming it’s not already copyrighted.”
