Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led 105 of the final 108 laps, dominating the last stage to win the Folds Of Honor QuikTrip 500 at Atlanta.
“The No. 4 Chevy was awesome today,” Harvick said. “I knew we were going to be fast by just looking at our paint scheme. Busch beer and Hunt Brothers Pizza make a lethal combination, and not just in your stomach.”
2. Joey Logano: Logano came home 10th at Atlanta, posting his fifth top 10 of the season.
“I guess I could blame my performance on handling,” Logano said. “I didn’t have a handling problem last week at Bristol, because regarding the Chase Elliott wrecking me situation, I ‘handled’ it. Of course, I handled it not with a fist, but with the hand of compassion, which most would say has ruined too many budding feuds in this sport.”
3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished ninth at Atlanta.
“It’s an unprecedented time in our sport,” Keselowski said. “Hopefully, things will change. But how must Richard Petty and Richard Childress be feeling for criticizing kneeling athletes in the past? Probably like ‘Dicks.'”
4. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Atlanta and finished eighth.
“It’s always fun racing on Atlanta’s surface,” Elliott said. “The track can get pretty slick, especially on the turns with their 24 degree banking. And a ‘slippery slope’ fits in perfectly with NASCAR’s newfound political stance.”
5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stages 1 and 2 at Atlanta, but couldn’t catch Kevin Harvick over the course of the final stage. Truex settled for third, right behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch.
“Harvick had the best car when it counted,” Truex said. “In other words, he was in the driver’s seat. That meant I had to take a back seat.”
6. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 12th at Atlanta, and is eighth in the points standings.
“It’s good to hear Bubba Wallace is doing better,” Bowman said. “I hear he got the ‘OK’ from doctors, right after they gave him the ‘IV.'”
7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Atlanta and is now seventh in the Cup points standings, 94 out of first.
“Wow,” Hamlin said, “Bubba Wallace passed out during an interview after the race. That’s one instance in which even Richard Petty says it’s okay to take a knee.”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished fourth in the Folds Of Honor QuikTrip 500.
“And speaking of ‘Quik Trips,'” Blaney said, “NASCAR’s road to racial justice recognition should be over soon, once the fan base takes its stand, which certainly won’t be on a knee.”
9. Kyle Busch: Kyle Busch finished second at Atlanta, claiming his second consecutive top-five result.
“Now that the Trucks bounty is off my head,” Busch said, “I feel like I’ve found a renewed focus. Just give me a few races, and I’m sure I’ll become the ‘poster boy’ for something.”
10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished seventh at Atlanta and hasn’t won a race in over three years.
“I think it’s great that we paused for a moment of silence before the start of the race,” Johnson said. “It would have been even better if we then paused for a moment of uncomfortable silence in honor of all the drivers and owners who haven’t spoken out against racial injustice.”
