Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth at Atlanta, posting his fifth top-five of the season.
“I accidentally sent Kurt Busch into the wall on a restart,” Hamlin said. “Hopefully, Kurt will understand that just as I had no intentions of wrecking him, I have no intentions of apologizing.”
2. Kyle Larson: Larson swept the first two stages at Atlanta, but couldn’t hold off Ryan Blaney, who passed Larson with eight laps to go. Larson held on for second and is second in the points standings.
“I did everything but win,” Larson said. “It hurts. Luckily, I have a crew chief in Cliff Daniels who will let me complain all I want. And he also knows that when I’m done, the last three words I want to hear are, ‘I hear you.'”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished ninth at Atlanta, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch in the top 10.
“We’re off to Bristol for the next race,” Truex said. “I don’t think anyone really knows how it will turn out. It could be a circus, or it could be the greatest show on ‘earth.'”
4. Joey Logano: Logano finished 15th at Atlanta.
“Xfinity drivers Noah Gragson and Daniel Hemric traded punches after their race on Saturday,” Logano said. “I’m not sure if either really connected, but if Tim Richmond was alive today, he would surely give them credit for ‘swinging.'”
5. Brad Keselowski: Contact with Martin Truex Jr. damaged the front of Keselowski’s No. 2 Penske Mustang and Keselowski limped home with a 28th-place finish.
“I’m in the middle of contract renewal negotiations with Penske Racing,” Keselowski said. “Roger Penske has assured me he wants me to stick around, so much like my performance at Atlanta, ‘I’m not going anywhere.'”
6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney passed Kyle Larson with eight laps to go and pulled away to win the Folds Of Honor Qwik Trip 500 by over two seconds.
“I gave the checkered flag to a young fan in the stands,” Blaney said. “That’s something he’ll treasure for the rest of his life, or, at the very least, as long as the funds from its sale on eBay will last.”
7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Atlanta despite having to make a green flag pit stop due to a flat tire.
“Tony Stewart is engaged to NHRA drag racer Leah Pruett,” Harvick said. “When she walks down the aisle, it will be ¼-mile long. If you would have mentioned ‘tying the knot’ to Tony 10 years ago, he would have adamantly refused to undergo lap-band surgery.”
8. Chase Elliott: Elliott’s engine blew 220 laps into the Folds Of Honor Qwik Trip 500. He finished 38th.
“When NASCAR’s most popular drivers blow an engine,” Elliott said, “it’s a big deal. When he does it in his home state of Georgia, it sends shock waves throughout the sport. And the sound it makes is ‘GA boom!'”
9. Christopher Bell: Bell finished 21st at Atlanta, only his second result outside of the top 10 this season.
“My Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch won the Trucks Series race on Friday night,” Bell said. “That was his 60th Trucks win. That means that 60 times, Kyle won a race against inferior competition that he was supposed to.”
10. William Byron: Byron came home eighth at Atlanta as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10.
“NASCAR used COVID-19 sniffing dogs to test team members at Atlanta,” Byron said. “It may very well be the first time anyone at a NASCAR race has passed the ‘smell test.'”