Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Sonoma and held off Hendrick teammate Chase Elliott on an overtime restart to secure the win in the Toyota/SaveMart 350.
“It’s awesome to win in my home state,” Larson said. “And there’s nothing like drinking wine out of the winner’s trophy here in Wine Country. And you can equate the grapes used to make this wine with the competition—stomped.”
2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished eighth at Sonoma.
“Michael Jordan was at the race,” Bowman said. “He was in the 23XI Racing garage. Luckily, Bubba Wallace has given him no reason to smoke a cigar.”
3. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished second to Kyle Larson at Sonoma as Hendrick Motorsports scored its fourth consecutive 1-2 finish.
“Kyle is in the zone,” Elliott said. “I don’t think there’s anyone who can stop him, except himself. Not only has he put his past behind him, he’s put everyone else behind him.”
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished third in the Toyota/SaveMart 350, rebounding from an uncharacteristic subpar finish in Charlotte.
“I’d won the last two races at Sonoma,” Truex said. “So, I was looking to make it three in a row. It wasn’t to be. Anyway, it seems that the term ‘three in a row’ is used to describe Hendrick Motorsports’ race wins, or Hendrick Motorsports’ race finishes, or Tim Richmond’s sex life.”
5. William Byron: Byron was caught in a late accident and finished 16 laps down in 35th.
“Some drivers just aren’t good at road course racing,” Byron said. “I don’t want to name names, but I’ll name numbers. Those numbers are 42 and 7. And fittingly, after a road course race, that is the ‘circuitous’ way to place blame.”
6. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished ninth at Sonoma as Hendrick Motorsports teammates Kyle Larson and Chase Elliott finished 1-2.
“Celebrity chef Guy Fieri drove the ceremonial pace car,” Bowman said. “One thing you can count on a celebrity chef ceremonial pace car driver not to do is ‘overcook’ the tires.”
7. Joey Logano: Logano took fourth at Sonoma, posting his seventh top five and third in the last four races.
“I’m not sure Hendrick Motorsports can be beat,” Logano said. “They’ve won six races this year, and four straight. Apparently, while the rest of us think we’re playing chess, HMS is playing ‘checkers.'”
8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fifth at Sonoma, posting his fifth top five of the year.
“Attendance at Sonoma Raceway was at 33%,” Busch said. “That’s roughly the percentage of people that can tolerate me. And I’m talking about my family, not fans.”
9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was victimized late in an accident triggered by Corey LaJoie and Ross Chastain and finished a disappointing 22nd.
“Those guys don’t know any better,” Harvick said. “Also, they can’t get any better.”
10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 15th at Sonoma, and has now gone five races without a top-10 finish.
“I guess my heart just isn’t in it,” Keselowski said. “I’m probably leaving Penske Racing at season’s end. That explains why I didn’t ‘fare well.'”