Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Chase Elliott: Elliott surged late and held off Kurt Busch to win the Ally 400 at Nashville, earning his first win since May 1st at Dover.
“That was nearly two months without a victory,” Elliott said. “But holding this guitar trophy means I’m not going to ‘fret’ over that.”
2. Ross Chastain: Chastain took fifth in the Ally 400.
“My No. 1 car was primarily sponsored by Jockey for this race,” Chastain said. “In this business, you can never underestimate the importance of clean underwear, what with racing terms like ‘dirty air,’ ‘runs,’ and ‘rear spoilers.'”
3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney posted a solid third in the Ally 400 at Nashville, scoring his seventh top-five of the season.
“I’m still looking for that elusive win this season,” Blaney said. “I’d get my father Dave to help me find it, but history says he has no clue where to find a win.”
4. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth at Nashville.
“Former Penske Racing great Rusty Wallace is appearing in a new Skechers commercial,” Logano said. “So, while Rusty wants to put his shoe in the retail market, his former teammate Ryan Newman still wants to put his shoe somewhere else, and that’s in Rusty where the sun don’t shine.”
5. Kyle Busch: Busch was running second at the final caution at Nashville, and opted to pit for tires, which was ultimately the wrong decision. Busch finished 21st, as Chase Elliott, who stayed out, took the win.
“Obviously,” Busch said, “pitting was the wrong call. And, obviously, only signing 100 autographs at a local Wal-Mart was also the wrong call. And obviously, the right thing to do would have been to sign fewer.”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick came home 10th at Nashville, posting his eighth top-10 of the year.
“Once again,” Harvick said, “my car was adorned with the Busch Light Apple paint scheme. I’m interested in people’s opinion of what appears to be an awful flavor. If you’re hesitant to give that opinion, I suggest you ‘spit it out.'”
7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stages 1 and 2, but a late pit stop gamble shuffled him back, and he finished 22nd in the Ally 400.
“I’m returning to Joe Gibbs Racing in 2023,” Truex said. “I think JGR cars give me the best chance to go fast and win races. So, when I ask myself, ‘Should I stay or should I go?,’ I can confidently answer ‘Both.'”
8. Kyle Larson: Larson started third and finished fourth at Nashville, and is seventh in the points standings.
“I haven’t won a race since February in California,” Larson said. “So I feel like I’m due, for a win, or sensitivity training, or both.”
9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole and led a race-high 114 laps en route to a sixth-place finish at Nashville.
“It could have been a much better finish,” Hamlin said. “I should have stayed out on that last caution. If I had it to do over, I would have done a ‘do-over.'”
10. Christopher Bell: Bell finished eighth at Nashville.
“Sunday’s race was delayed twice for lightning,” Bell said, “and once for rain. If only Tim Richmond and Jeremy Mayfield could have somehow caused a disturbance, the race could have also been delayed for ‘snow’ and ‘ice.'”