Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 at Indy and finished 19th.
“My No. 11 Toyota featured the ‘Yahoo’ paint scheme,” Hamlin said. “That explains the big ‘Y!’ on my car’s hood. It doesn’t explain ‘why’ I’ve never won a Cup championship.”
2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished seventh in the Verizon 200, posting his 14th top 10 of the season.
“With Michael McDowell’s win,” Truex said, “there are now only three playoff spots up for grabs. So, in the next two races, three tickets will be punched, which could also be a commentary on live attendance at NASCAR races.”
3. Kyle Larson: Larson finished eighth at Indy’s road course.
“This race had everything,” Larson said. “Five road course ringers, one road course ‘Dinger,’ and several road course fingers, which is what you get when you run another driver off the road.”
4. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished 11th at Indy.
“I was going for my third consecutive win,” Buescher said. “That’s called the ‘Try-fecta.'”
5. Christopher Bell: Bell finished ninth at Indy, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Martin Truex, Jr., who finished seventh, in the top 10.
“With drivers representing seven different countries,” Bell said, “the Verizon 200 At The Brickyard really had an international flavor. If you asked most NASCAR fans to describe ‘international flavor,’ they would say ‘Golden Corral.'”
6. Michael McDowell: McDowell led 54 of 82 laps and won the Verizon 200 handily over Chase Elliott.
“I kissed the bricks,” McDowell said. “Some drivers who thought they might clinch a playoff spot on Sunday just had to hit the bricks.”
7. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 17th at Indianapolis.
“My Trackhouse Racing teammate Daniel Suarez probably should have won this race,” Chastain said. “But the air gun hose got stuck under his left front tire during a pit stop, and it cost him. Drivers hate it when a bad pit stop costs them a win. Here at Trackhouse, we call that ‘Pit Bull.'”
8. Joey Logano: Logano finished 34th in the Verizon 200 At The Brickyard.
“I struggled early at Indy’s road course,” Logano said. “I was hitting everything except my marks.”
9. Kyle Busch: Busch suffered a flat-spotted tire midway through the race and posted a disappointing 37th in the Verizon 200 At The Brickyard.
“I just totally missed a corner,” Busch said. “And not even the best legal representation can’t help you recover from that mistake.”
10. William Byron: Byron finished 15th in the Verizon 200.
“I failed Friday’s pre-race inspection three times,” Byron said. “So I had to start the race by serving a pass-through penalty. So I was in last place. It’s what you should expect when you cheat your ‘tail’ off.”