Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole at Watkins Glen and finished second.
“William Byron just had too much car,” Hamlin said. “I mean, way too much car. It almost seems unfair, which is what NASCAR inspectors must be saying.”
2. William Byron: Byron took charge early and dominated in winning the Go Bowling At The Glen, his fifth win of the year.
“My No. 24 Chevy was fast,” Byron said. “Once I got to the lead, I just ran away from the field. Now, I just need to run away from inspectors.”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished sixth at Watkins Glen.
“It just took us too long to find the right balance,” Truex said. “My No. 19 Toyota was sponsored by Siemens. If you scramble the letters in ‘Siemens,’ it tells you a lot about the handling, because it was my ‘nemesis.'”
4. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished seventh in the Go Bowling At The Glen, and is now eighth in the points standings.
“William Byron was the class of the field,” Buescher said. “I know my car was no match for him. So, the ‘Fastenal’ wasn’t fast at all.”
5. Christopher Bell: Bell finished third at Watkins Glen, posting his sixth top-five of the season.
“Sponsors naming races is totally out of control,” Bell said. “Come on, the ‘Go Bowling At The Glen?’ I mean, spare me.”
6. Kyle Larson: Larson came home 26th at Watkins Glen after an early pit lane speeding penalty derailed his chances.
“That was all my fault,” Larson said, “and I take full responsibility. And I really have to stop having to say those words.”
7. Joey Logano: Logano came home 10th in the Go Bowling At The Glen.
“The upcoming regular-season finale at Daytona is going to be wild,” Logano said. “If NASCAR’s most popular driver Chase Elliott doesn’t win there, he’s gonna come up ’empty’ once more.”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished ninth at Watkins Glen and is now ninth in the points standings.
“I’m rounding into playoff shape,” Blaney said. “You know what they used to say about Tony Stewart? His playoff shape was round.”
9. Michael McDowell: McDowell won Stage 1 at Watkins Glen, but a subsequent pit lane penalty all but ruined his hopes for a win. Then, his engine failed, knocking him out of the race on Lap 74. He finished 36th.
“I drove through too many pit boxes on pit entry,” McDowell said. “The penalty for that is a drive-through penalty, which means you have to return to the scene of the crime. That’s something that Kyle Busch hopes he never has to do.”
10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 18th at Watkins Glen.
“My car was sponsored by ‘Be A Moose,'” Chastain said. “‘Be A Moose’ in a charitable organization. Some drivers often say I’m a moose, as in a moose in a china shop.”
