Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
William Byron: Byron finished seventh in the Geico 500, making up several places during a chaotic finish that saw Tyler Reddick snatch the win from Michael McDowell and Brad Keselowski.
“I guess you could say Reddick crashed the Ford party,” Byron said. “Or, better yet, you could say Ford crashed the Ford party.”
2. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 15th at Talladega.
“My car featured the familiar NAPA paint scheme,” Elliott said. “But there was still a small Hooter’s decal on the car. You had to look closely to see, which seems awfully ironic for Hooter’s.”
3. Tyler Reddick: Reddick stole the win coming to the line at Talladega as leader Michael McDowell’s attempt to block Brad Keselowski erupted into a multi-car pileup. Reddick squeezed through for the win.
“And co-car owner Michael Jordan was there to see it,” Reddick said. “Things looked pretty bleak when the Toyotas had their incident on Lap 156. At that point, I said, ‘What are the odds?’ Luckily, MJ knew the odds, because he keeps up with that stuff, and he decided it was a good time to lay a bet that I would win. I have to thank MJ for putting his faith in me and his money on me.”
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 16 laps and finished 11th in the Geico 500.
“I think everyone knew the ‘Big One’ was coming,” Truex said. “There’s a lot of NASCAR fans that also thought the ‘Big One’ was coming, only in the form of ‘The Rapture’ brought on by the total solar eclipse on April 8th. Only one of the ‘Big Ones’ actually happened.”
5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski and fellow Ford driver Michael McDowell made contact while battling for the win heading to the checkered flag at Talladega. McDowell, the leader, spun and finished 31st, while Keselowski, running second, managed to keep control and maintain his position as Tyler Reddick swooped by for the win.
“What I wouldn’t give to be in Tyler Reddick’s shoes,” Keselowski said. “And I’m guessing it’s a pair of Air Jordans.”
6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was knocked out of the race in a Lap 156 incident when Bubba Wallace and Erik Jones made contact and collected Hamlin and John Hunter Nemechek. Hamlin finished 37th.
“We had a pretty nice Toyota train going up until that point,” Hamlin said. “And the sad thing is, we were all ‘on track’ for nice finishes.”
7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished fifth at Talladega, posting his fourth top-5 finish of the season.
“Officials at Talladega decided to remove the long-standing scoring pylon,” Bowman said. “Who knows why they did it? I would guess because doing so offers some kind of financial benefit for those greedy sons of guns. I guess they’re going to look out for No. 1 even if the fans can’t.”
8. Kyle Larson: Larson had to start from pit road and serve a drive-through penalty but bounced back to finish 21st in the Geico 500.
“I’ve come back from worse,” Larson said. “Much worse, actually.”
9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney’s fortunes at Talladega took a hit when he was penalized for speeding in pit lane on Lap 112. He eventually got the lap back but saw a good finish disappear when he was one of several cars stricken in the final lap chaos. He finished 20th.
“New Orleans Saints running back Alvin Kamara was at Talladega at the NASCAR Classics hauler,” Blaney said. “Kamara likes to see cars go fast. While you might say ‘Give it some gas,’ Kamara, given his history in the city of Las Vegas, would likely say ‘Punch it.'”
10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 13th at Talladega.
“I actually led six laps on Sunday,” Chastain said. “And Shane van Gisbergen led three. I know it was him because his car had a picture of Wendy’s french fries on it. When he wasn’t leading the race, he was playing ‘ketchup.'”
Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
