Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. William Byron: Byron started on the pole at Kansas and recovered from an early speeding penalty, and a later brush with the wall, to finish third.
“It’s not about how you start,” Byron said, “it’s how you finish. Unless you finish by writing a $100,000 check to NASCAR for a failed inspection.”
2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin outdueled Kyle Larson in a wild finish at Kansas to win the AdventHealth 400. After a back-and-forth battle over the final laps, Hamlin got position on Larson and clipped Larson’s rear, spinning the Hendrick driver, but he held on to finish second.
“You can hear all about it on my new podcast,” Hamlin said. “It’s called ‘Actions Detrimental To Kyle Larson.'”
3. Kyle Larson: Larson finished second at Kansas after a spirited battle with Denny Hamlin over the closing laps. Hamlin clipped the rear of Larson’s car, and Larson hit the wall, while Hamlin took the win.
“Right in the middle of my interview after the race,” Larson said, “the Ross Chastain-Noah Gragson fight broke out. So it interrupted some harsh words I had in store for Denny Hamlin. So, that fight did me a favor: it prevented me from saying something I would greatly regret later.”
4. Christopher Bell: Bell finished last at Kansas after contact with Ross Chastain on Lap 157 sent him into the wall and out of the race.
“I guess Chastain is on a mission,” Bell said. “That mission is to touch everyone, with either his car or his fist.”
5. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished fifth at Kansas and then clashed with Noah Gragson after the race.
“If Noah Gragson has a problem with my driving,” Chastain said, “then he’s no different than 34 other drivers.”
6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eighth at Kansas.
“What else is new?” Truex said. “Ross Chastain ‘made contact’ with someone. Ross must have been pretty angry with Gragson because Ross was ‘right cross’ with him.”
7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 16th at Kansas.
“We’re gonna be talking about this Ross Chastain-Noah Gragson incident for a while,” Blaney said. “What’s most amazing is that, given Chastain’s various and multiple clashes with other drivers, I’m surprised he punched someone before they punched him.”
8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 11th at Kansas and is fifth in the point standings.
“I was just named to ‘NASCAR’s 75 Greatest Drivers’ list,” Harvick said. “There are a lot of drivers on that list that I respect a great deal, 73 to be exact. And then there’s Kyle Busch.”
9. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished ninth in the AdventHealth 400.
“NASCAR ratings are down,” Reddick said. “But after Ross Chastain’s punch of Noah Gragson, I expect the impact to be anything but a black eye for the sport.”
10. Joey Logano: Logano rebounded from two consecutive 30th or worse finishes with a sixth at Kansas.
“My former Penske teammate Brad Keselowski had to be happy to see that Ross Chastain-Noah Gragson clash. Why? Well, for at least a day, Brad wasn’t the owner of the ‘most punchable face’ title.”
