Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 276 of 500 laps and finished third in the Blue-Emu Maximum Pain Relief 500 at Martinsville.
“Me and my Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Martin Truex Jr. and Christopher Bell led 305 of the 500 laps,” Hamlin said. “Kyle Busch was involved in cautions in the other 195 laps.”
2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex passed Denny Hamlin with 15 laps to go and went on to win at Martinsville, becoming the season’s first repeat winner.
“The grandfather clock struck ‘2’ at Martinsville,” Truex said. “It struck ‘midnight’ for anyone who had one too many of Martinsville’s $2 hot dogs.”
3. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Martinsville.
“A limited number of fans were able to attend the race on Sunday,” Logano said. “I felt right at home though, because I only have a ‘limited number of fans.'”
4. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Martinsville.
“‘Blu-Emu Maximum Pain Relief 500’ is quite a name for a race,” Larson said. “Honestly, I think it’s too much. I say we go back to calling it the Virginia 500, because, let’s face it, some things are better left unsaid.”
5. William Byron: Byron finished fourth at Martinsville.
“Joe Graf Jr. and Gray Gaulding fought after the Xfinity race,” Byron said. “Those guys were actually teammates last year. That’s hard to believe. I’d have an easier time believing they are current teammates at Rick Ware Racing.”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Martinsville, posting his sixth top 10 of the season.
“I tangled with Bubba Wallace early in the race,” Harvick said. “We all know that the great Michael Jordan is a co-owner of his team. That being said, I’d just like to say to Bubba, ‘If you’re feeling froggy, ‘Jump, man.'”
7. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third in the Blue-Emu Maximum Pain Relief at Martinsville.
“Sunday’s race aired on Fox Sports 1,” Elliott said. “Which means it was probably seen by more people live than on television.”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took the first two stages at Martinsville and finished 11th at Martinsville.
“We had a late pit penalty that really hurt our chances at the win,” Blaney said. “The air hose got hung up in the car as I was leaving the pits. That’s not good. Heck, just ask Charles Barkley. He’ll tell you that there’s nothing worse than hose stuck in your car.”
9. Christopher Bell: Bell took seventh at Martinsville, recording his fourth top 10 of the season.
“My Joe Gibbs Racing teammates had quite a battle there at the end,” Bell said. “Ultimately, Martin Truex Jr. outlasted Denny Hamlin. And streaking of ‘outlasting,’ it seems like every week, Corey LaJoie, Quin Houff, Josh Bilicki, and the like are in a battle to see who can ‘out last’ the other.”
10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s hopes at Martinsville faded after he was caught up in a big pileup on lap 387. He finished 33rd.
“It’s not often you get the ‘Big One’ in Martinsville,” Keselowski said. “There were 12 cars involved in that accident. A 12-car accident is unheard of at Martinsville, at least on the race track, but not in the parking lots in the pre-COVID era.”