Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at World Wide Technology Raceway and won Stage 1 on his way to the win in the Enjoy Illinois 300. Busch managed several restarts down the stretch and repelled the challenge of Kyle Larson.
“I had quite a spirited battle with Kyle Larson over several laps late in the race,” Busch said. “Luckily, we raced each other clean and didn’t have an accident. That would have caused a bad scene. I would have probably done something stupid, and Larson would have probably said something stupid.”
2. William Byron: Byron finished eighth in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“I thought Corey LaJoie did a fine job substituting for Chase Elliott,” Byron said. “But he’s no Chase Elliott. If he was, he’d be sitting at home right now.”
3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney, fresh off a win at Charlotte, won Stage 2 and finished sixth in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“I was pretty close to winning my second straight race and starting another streak,” Blaney said. “On second thought, I did start another streak….another winless streak.”
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex overcame an early equipment violation to post a fifth in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“The gas can was left in the car on one of our early pit stops,” Truex said. “I feel like Kyle Busch because I left somewhere with something I shouldn’t have.”
5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin made a late pass on Kyle Larson on an overtime restart to take the runner-up spot in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.
“I like to think I played a part in getting Chase Elliott suspended,” Hamlin said. “You probably heard all about it on my newest podcast, ‘Actions Instrumental.'”
6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at WWTR, posting his seventh top 10 of the year.
“Sunday’s race was delayed several times for lightning,” Harvick said. “With those, plus all the cautions, and all the wrecks, it took forever to run this race. It also seemed like this race took forever to run.”
7. Tyler Reddick: Reddick was running in the top 10 on lap 173 when he blew a right front brake rotor, sending him into the Turn 1 wall. The damage ended his day, and he finished 33rd.
“This track does a number on brakes,” Reddick said. “Ironically, my brakes are what stopped me today.”
8. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 22nd in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“I can’t say I’ve ever intentionally wrecked anyone,” Chastain said. “I can say I’ve unintentionally wrecked a lot of people. You could say I’m the ‘Britny Spears of NASCAR,’ because ‘Oops! I Did It Again.'”
9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fourth at World Wide Technology Raceway after challenging Kyle Busch for the win late.
“Busch seemed to be on a mission to win,” Larson said. “And in a car with ‘3CHI’ emblazoned on it, Busch’s win was all the buzz afterward.”
10. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at World Wide Technology Raceway.
“Congratulations to Kyle Busch,” Logano said. “He pulled off the ‘Triple Crown Of Racing,” which is winning the pole, leading the most laps, and winning the race. He’s also completed the “Triple Crown Of Stupidity,” by doing 128 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone and getting arrested in Mexico with a gun in his luggage. I know that’s only two things, but the Mexico incident is so stupid, I’m counting it twice.”