Note: The quotes in this column are fictional.
1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished second in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.
“What a finish!” Hamlin said. “I can’t believe Ryan Blaney ran out of gas on the final lap. Ryan must be fuming. Actually, I guess he was not fuming.”
2. Christopher Bell: Bell won the first two stages at World Wide Technology Raceway, but an engine issue late in the race ended his victory chances. He faded and eventually finished seventh.
“My car was so good for most of the race,” Bell said, “I thought I was going to coast to the win. My car was so bad later, I had to coast to the finish line.”
3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took third in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“I think we could have won the race,” Keselowski said. “All we needed was just a little luck. You know, the same kind of luck that benefitted Austin Cindric–two faster cars ahead going belly up.”
4. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 11th in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.
“Two words I didn’t think could ever be used in conjunction were ‘Enjoy’ and ‘Illinois,'” Gibbs said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to come back to this state, but only if there’s a race here.”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 13th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“If we found out one thing on Sunday at WWTC,” Elliott said, “it’s that Cody Ware can’t drive worth a lick. He caused two accidents in the first 18 laps. It would make total sense if his middle name started with a ‘B,’ as in ‘B-Ware.’ He’s like a human caution flag.”
6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led on the final lap at World Wide Technology Raceway but ran out of gas on the final lap, allowing Austin Cindric to steal the win in the Enjoy Illinois 300. Blaney finished 24th.
“This is heartbreaking,” Blaney said. “Not only for me but also for the person responsible for calculating fuel mileage. Actually, it’s worse for him. While I’m only out of gas, he’s out of a job.”
7. William Byron: Byron came home 15th at World Wide Technology Raceway as Hendrick Motorsports placed only one car in the top 10.
“My Hendrick teammate Kyle Larson knocked Kyle Busch out of the race,” Byron said. “I thought there might be a confrontation between the two after the race. But I think Busch has learned his lesson after what happened after the All-Star Race. He’s witnessed firsthand what these types of confrontations can result in—-some old man getting punched in the face by a driver.”
8. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 10th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.
“Stewart-Haas Racing is closing up shop at the end of this season,” Larson said. “Much like when their cars are on the track, I doubt anyone will notice when they are gone.”
9. Austin Cindric: Cindric pounced on the final lap when race leader Ryan Blaney ran out of gas to win the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.
“This puts me right in the Cup championship conversation,” Cindric said. “The first round of the Playoffs will likely take me out of it.”
10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered a flat left rear tire midday through the Enjoy Illinois 300. He fell two laps down and eventually finished 34th.
“It’s days like this that make me question my future in racing,” Truex said. “To be clear, by ‘days like this’ I don’t mean finishing 34th, but finishing behind the likes of Cody Ware and Corey Lajoie.”
