Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson got by Kevin Harvick on a late restart and won the Auto Club 400, giving him 77 career wins, one more than the late Dale Earnhardt.
“’Superman’ was on my car today,” Johnson said, “and his superpowers seemed to rub off on me. Some say I leap tall buildings; others, like maybe Kevin Harvick, say I jump restarts.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick dominated at Fontana, leading 142 of 205 laps, but fell short after a late caution evaporated his sizable lead. Jimmie Johnson slipped by Harvick on the restart, leaving Harvick with another runner-up finish, his 15th in the last two seasons.
“Unless it’s not a tenth of a second,” Harvick said, “I’m getting tired of hearing about seconds.
3. Kyle Busch: Busch blew a tire late at Fontana on Sunday, the same fate he suffered in Saturday’s XFINITY Series race. Busch eventually finished 25th and dropped three places in the points standings.
“I’m not sure what’s going on with our tires,” Busch said. “Is Goodyear peddling faulty rubber? It would take a real sales job to sell bad tires to an established racing team. So, who’s the real person with superpowers? Batman, Superman, or the Goodyear Pimp?
“I gave NASCAR an earful after they refused to wave a caution flag when I blew the tire in the XFINITY race. Of course, they’ll levy a hefty fine on me I’m sure. But that’s okay. The Busch family ‘swear jar’ is a 55-gallon drum.”
4. Carl Edwards: Edwards started fifth at Fontana and finished seventh, posting his fourth top 10 of the year.
“The No. 19 Toyota was fast,” Edwards said, “but it just didn’t have the handling to put me over the top. I was fighting the steering wheel all day. I know my sponsor Subway would rather not hear these two particular words, but Sunday was a ‘hard drive.’”
5. Kurt Busch: Busch started 26th and started from the rear in a backup car, leading to a long day at Fontana. He finished 30th, the last car on the lead lap.
“I got rammed by Dale Earnhardt Jr.,” Busch said, “and I’m angry. Junior had Batman on his car, which made me want to go ‘Robin’ on him, with a ‘trusty sidekick’ to the head.”
6. Joey Logano: Logano took fourth in the Auto Club 400, scoring his second top-five finish of the year. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 30 out of first.
“Hey,” Logano said, “I love Batman and Superman. Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Jr. showed me that it’s cool to have ‘Superfriends’ on their cars. Matt Kenseth showed me that it’s not so great to have an ‘Avenger’ in his car.”
7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Fontana, posted his second consecutive third place finish. He is now fourth in the points standings, 25 out of first.
“Kasey Kahne wrecked Danica Patrick,” Hamlin said, “and Danica was none too happy. I think it’s safe to say, despite all the images of Batman and Superman at the race, Patrick and Kahne won’t be ‘super friends.’
“Me? I had my issues with Danica, and I’ve tried talking to her face to face to come to some resolution. It hasn’t always worked. Talking to Danica is like talking to a wall, a very pretty wall.”
8. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished 11th in the Auto Club 400 as Hendrick teammate Jimmie Johnson captured the win.
“The No. 88 Chevrolet sported a ‘Batman’ theme in connection with the ‘Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn Of Justice’ movie,” Earnhardt said. “And my merchandise tent did as well. We were selling any and everything that had a bat on it—hats, T-shirts, flags, all kinds of crap. You know my fans—they’ll go bat ‘S’ crazy over bat ‘S’ if it has my name on it.”
9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished ninth in the Auto Club 400, joining Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano, who finished fourth, in the top 10.
“I love the way NASCAR is promoting the upcoming ‘Batman Vs. Superman’ movie,” Keselowski said. “I think most drivers would say this sport needs more heroes. Danica Patrick would say this sport needs more heroines. Jeremy Mayfield would say this sport needs more heroin.”
10. Austin Dillon: Dillon started on the pole in the Auto Club 400 yet didn’t lead a single lap and finished a distant 24th. He is 10th in the points standings, 56 out of first.
“The heck with Sunday’s race,” Dillon said. “Let’s talk about Saturday’s race. I won when Kyle Busch blew a tire and Daniel Suarez ran out of gas. I haven’t had a race handed to me like that by anyone other than my grandfather.”
