Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Kansas and passed Martin Truex Jr. with a lap to go to take the KC Masterpiece 400, his fifth win of the year.
“I narrowly missed being collected in the lap 253 crash,” Harvick said. “Combine that good fortune with the elation of my fifth win, and my nickname becomes ‘Happy-Go-Lucky.'”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Kansas, posting his ninth top 10 of the season.
“I thought my three wins this year were impressive,” Busch said. “But Kevin Harvick’s five victories puts mine to shame. And then he has the audacity to troll me with ‘Busch’ sponsorship on his car.”
3. Joey Logano: Logano finished third in the KC Masterpiece 400 at Kansas, recording his fifth top-five result of the year.
“Matt Kenseth is back,” Logano said. “Luckily for me, he wasn’t back with a vengeance. But let’s face it, Matt’s not the most intimidating driver. He doesn’t scare anyone unless it’s me on the track at Martinsville or Brad Keselowski between the haulers at Charlotte.”
4. Kurt Busch: Busch finished eighth at Kansas as Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick scored his fifth win of the season. Busch is fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 110 out of first.
“Harvick has been dominant on 1.5-mile tracks,” Busch said. “He’s a master of the 1-½ mile oval. He’s driving circles around everyone, including the tracks.”
5. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 15th at Kansas and is now sixth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 117 out of first.
“It’s amazing what Kevin Harvick is doing this year,” Bowyer said. “He’s obviously the clear favorite to win the Monster Energy Cup championship. Sixteen drivers qualify for the postseason; 15 of those will be in the ‘Chase.'”
6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 14th at Kansas.
“Personally,” Keselowski said, “I couldn’t care less if the France family sells NASCAR. We all know Brian France can be bought; I’m sure he can be sold, as well.”
7. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fourth at Kansas, leading a race-high 101 laps on the way to his fourth top five of the season.
“We overcame our share of adversity,” Larson said. “First, I had to start near the back of the field, then I made contact with Ryan Blaney late in the race. But those are nothing compared to the toughest adversity we face each week, and that’s post-race inspection.”
8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney held off Kevin Harvick to win the first stage at Kansas, but made contact with Kyle Larson with 20 laps to go and suffered a blown right front tire. He finished 37th.
“I was just a little too aggressive,” Blaney said. “I was trying to side draft Larson and I just got sucked into him. Larson would certainly agree with my assessment, especially the ‘sucked’ part.”
9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fifth in the KC Masterpiece 400, posting his fifth top five of the year.
“Did you see Alex Bowman blow a tire with 30 laps to go?” Hamlin said. “We haven’t seen sparks fly like that since Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Danica Patrick met.”
10. (tie) Martin Truex Jr.: Truex gambled on a late caution, staying out while most of the leaders pitted for tires, and nearly held off Kevin Harvick for the win at Kansas. But Truex succumbed to Harvick on the final lap and the driver of the No. 78 Toyota settled for second.
“I think night races appeal to everyone,” Truex said. “Newer fans like it because of the spectacle, and most of the traditional fans like it because it’s the closest thing to ‘moonshine’ this sport gets anymore.”
10. (tie)Jimmie Johnson: Johnson struggled to a 19th-place finish at Kansas, his first result outside the top 12 since April 8th at Texas.
“I had one teammate’s car sending out a shower of sparks,” Johnson said, “and another ended up in flames. Since I’ve stopped winning Cup championships, the only glory Hendrick Motorsports sees now comes in blazes.”
