Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was one of 17 cars victimized on lap 119 when Austin Dillon and Clint Bowyer made contact, spinning Dillion into oncoming traffic. Truex finished 22nd.
“All four Joe Gibbs Racing cars were damaged in that accident,” Truex said. “And Joe Gibbs was feeling really down about it. It’s a far cry from the elation Joe felt from winning three Super Bowls. Seeing four cars damaged in a single wreck? Well, that ‘Super blows.'”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 14th in a wild and rain-shortened Coke Zero Sugar 400.
“This will certainly be the defining moment of Justin Haley’s career,” Busch said. “Will he ever be able to duplicate this feat? Ironically, he was the winner because lightning struck twice.”
3. Joey Logano: Logano won Stage 1 and finished 25th at Daytona, his chances at the win ended when he was collected in a massive pileup on lap 119.
“Like many,” Logano said, “I got caught in the big wreck caused by Austin Dillon and/or Clint Bowyer. Who’s to blame? In tennis, they would call it a ‘double fault.’ In football, it would be called ‘pass interference.’ In NASCAR, it’s called ‘racing.'”
4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski wrecked on lap 83 after a big push from Kevin Harvick turned the No. 2 Penske Racing Ford. Keselowski finished 39th.
“Now that’s what I call getting ‘rear-ended,'” Keselowski said. “Of course, when your car is rendered useless, you need to catch a ride. So, I did, in fact, ‘Lyft.'”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 35th at Daytona.
“At the speeds seen at Daytona,” Elliott said, “the turbulence is extreme. It even caused the decals of some guys to peel off. It’s just another way that NASCAR is ‘losing sponsorship.'”
6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 10th at Daytona, but could have been the winner if NASCAR officials had called off a restart just a few moments earlier. Instead, Busch surrendered the lead to pit, thinking a restart was imminent.
“The win was mine,” Busch said, “until NASCAR decided to shaft me. I feel like I just got punched in the stomach, which is a weird feeling because I’m used to getting punched in the face.”
7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 29th at Daytona, suffering extensive damage in a lap 83 crash, and then cutting a tire later.
“My car was all over the place,” Harvick said. “Now, I can spin that in an interview in which I mention sponsors and say, ‘The No.4 Jimmy John’s Ford Mustang was ‘going places.’
‘I sure gave Brad Keselowski a big bump. Sadly, it knocked him out of the race. I guess I gave him a personal ‘drive-through penalty.'”
8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 26th in the Coke Zero Sugar 400.
“This may have been the last time we raced at Daytona in July,” Hamlin said. “The 2020 schedule shows an August date at Daytona, making it the regular-season finale. So, I guess there will no longer be fireworks, but with most of the field scrambling for a last chance playoff spot, there at least will be plenty of ‘sparks.'”
9. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 21st at Daytona.
“That’s two consecutive first-time race winners,” Bowman. “First me at Chicagoland, then Justin Haley at Daytona. I thought I was young; have you seen Haley? He’s just a kid. But let’s face it, Kurt Busch should have been the winner at Daytona. And Kurt’s his typical whiny self about it. No matter whose side you’re on, the Daytona winner is acting ‘childish.'”
10. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished seventh at Daytona.
“Justin Haley captured what has to be the most unlikely win in Daytona history,” Almirola said. “Sure he was lucky, but he was awfully grateful afterward, thanking his Almighty Father and his Mother Nature.”
