Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch: Busch led 78 laps at Richmond, including 35 of the last 36, but couldn’t close the deal on the win as Carl Edwards bumped him out of the lead on the final lap. Busch’s runner-up finish was his seventh top five of the year and he is now fourth in the Sprint Cup points standings.
“I’m very emotional after losing,” Busch said. “You could say I was ‘moved’ by Edwards.
“I want to talk about Edwards about as much as I do about hitting a fan at Bristol. Really, I don’t want to talk about that fan I hit. That’s what happens when the ‘shhhh’ hits the fan.”
2. Carl Edwards: Edwards led 151 of 400 laps at Richmond and stalked Kyle Busch for several laps before bumping him out of the way on the final circuit. Edwards took his second consecutive win while Busch was prevented from capturing his third victory of the year.
“I know Kyle is one of my Joe Gibbs Racing teammates,” Edwards said, “but a win is a win. Thus, you saw my celebratory back flip preceded by the predatory backstab.”
“I’m sure Kyle would have done the same thing had he been in my shoes. And I mean that as a compliment to Kyle. And I’m sure he’ll return the favor.”
3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Richmond after qualifying was rained out and finished fifth for his fourth top five of the year.
“It’s good to see Tony Stewart back in racing,” Harvick said. “And I think it’s ludicrous that NASCAR chose to fine him. If you’re going to mention ’35,000’ and ‘Tony Stewart,’ it should only be in a discussion of his weekly calorie intake.”
4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished third at Richmond, posting his fifth top-five result of the year.
“It’s good to see Tony Stewart back in a race car,” Johnson said, “and I applaud his critical comments of NASCAR safety. Tony speaks for a lot of us because he’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind. It takes bravery to say the things Tony does. Let’s just say where balls are concerned, Tony has a huge pair. With that comes great responsibility, and I surely wouldn’t want to lug those nuts around.”
5. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt saw a potential top-10 finish fall by the wayside after a late restart shuffled him back in the field. He finished 13th and is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings.
“Can you imagine the turmoil had Jimmie Johnson bumped me out of a sure win?” Earnhardt said. “The fans of Junior Nation would have rioted. They certainly would have tossed their beer cans onto the track. Only the empties, of course.”
6. Kurt Busch: Busch led 55 laps and finished 10th in the Toyota Owners 400, scoring his sixth top 10 of the year.
“My brother Kyle was very disappointed in losing that race,” Busch said, “and so was his wife Samantha. So much so that she uttered the ‘S’ word on national television. But Kyle wants everyone to rest assured that she’s not the only one on the ‘S’ list.”
7. Joey Logano: Logano fell a lap down early at Richmond but rebounded and came home with a ninth-place finish.
“I made contact with Tony Stewart early in the race,” Logano said, “and it resulted in a flat tire for Tony. I’m sure he wasn’t happy about that. He probably uttered some profanities directed at me. Samantha Busch used the ‘S’ word; Tony used the ‘little S’ word.”
8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started fifth and finished sixth at Richmond as Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Carl Edwards and Kyle Busch finished 1-2.
“NASCAR fined Tony Stewart $35,000 for his comments regarding lug nuts,” Hamlin said. “I disagree with this. Tony should be able to speak his mind freely without the threat of retribution. So, he should be given the same privilege he refuses to give anyone else.”
9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 11th in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond while Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano finished eighth.
“I don’t blame Carl Edwards for bumping Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said. “If the tables were turned, I’m sure Kyle would have done the same thing. And speaking of ‘turned tables,’ I’m sure Kyle will flip a few in the next JGR drivers meeting. Heck, Kyle didn’t think twice about hitting a random fan. After what happened at Richmond, I doubt he’ll think at all before bumping Edwards.”
10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished ninth at Richmond, posting his fourth top 10 of the year. He is 10th in the points standings, 85 out of first.
“I can’t imagine being bumped out of the lead by a teammate,” Truex said. “That’s because I don’t have a teammate.”