Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. William Byron: Byron avoided the late Ross Chastain-Kyle Larson melee and went on to win the Goodyear 400.
“It was a super special win,” Byron said. “It was the 100th win for car No. 24, and my car sported the throwback Jeff Gordon paint scheme. If my life could match that of Jeff Gordon, I would be a happy man, except for the part in which I’m married to a gold digger.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the Goodyear 400 at Darlington.
“You probably noticed my No. 4 Ford was sporting ‘Sunny D’ as a sponsor,” Harvick said. “And speaking of ‘Sunny D,’ if you mix one-half part Sunny D and one-half part Busch beer, you are one sick individual.”
3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished ninth at Darlington.
“Luckily,” Blaney said, “I didn’t have any issues with Ross Chastain. Not every driver can say that. Not surprisingly, Chastain has a target on his back. Unfortunately, he sees a target on everyone else’s back.”
4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 12th at Darlington.
“Kyle Larson may be the unluckiest driver in NASCAR,” Hamlin said. “In consecutive weeks, he’s been wrecked by me and Ross Chastain. I know Kyle said he’s not much of a fighter, but at some point, he’s got to take a stand, and start his own podcast.”
5. Ross Chastain: A battle for the lead on Lap 288 resulted in Chastain pushing Kyle Larson into the wall, sending both cars spinning. The damage knocked Chastain out of the race for a 29th-place finish, while Larson continued with a damaged car and crossed the line 20th.
“I was fully committed to going into Turn 1 and coming out of it with the lead,” Larson said. “And I failed. I know I have a reputation as a driver who’s wrecked every other driver at least once. But I’m not going to beat myself up over it. But someone else might.”
6. Kyle Larson: Larson wrecked while battling Ross Chastain for the lead on Lap 288. Chastain went high into Turn 1 and pressed Larson’s No. 5 Chevy into the fence. Larson was able to continue but finished 20th.
“That’s three times this season Chastain’s wrecked us,” Larson said. “One thing me and all the other drivers can agree on is that Chastain drives car No. 1. And, we can all agree on which finger to use to represent that No. 1.”
7. Christopher Bell: Bell finished 14th at Darlington.
“The paint scheme on my No. 20 Toyota honored Matt Kenseth’s No. 17 car,” Bell said. “Matt’s former teammate Carl Edwards was in the Fox broadcast booth, which is a reminder that Matt for once known as the ‘Intimidated.'”
8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished seventh at Darlington, posting his sixth top 10 of the year.
“I got caught with a dangerous weapon in my luggage once,” Busch said. “In a simple analogy, Ross Chastain is my gun, and his No. 1 car is my luggage.”
9. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole and dominated early, winning Stage 1 and leading a race-high 145 laps. But a wreck triggered by Ross Chastain sent Truex’s No. 19 spinning into the apron, and the resulting damage made it impossible to challenge for the lead. Truex finished 31st.
“Ross has made quite a name for himself,” Truex said. “He’s also made quite a verb for himself because being ‘Chastained’ is becoming quite a useful term. In fact, you could say it’s a verb that is quite overused.”
10. Joey Logano: Logano finished 18th at Darlington.
“I had an incident with Martin Truex, Jr.,” Logano said. “I can’t blame Martin for the accident. His car was damaged from his earlier wreck caused by Ross Chastain, and the impact to Truex’s handling caused him to squeeze me into the wall. So Chastain pretty much wrecked me. I think everyone can agree Chastain is guilty. And I think I can agree that he’s guilty by association.”
