Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Joey Logano: Logano finished 15th at Watkins Glen.
“Luckily,” Logano said, “I won at Atlanta, so I could afford a mediocre finish. When you Go Bowling At The Glen, it’s good to have a spare (win).”
2. Kyle Larson: Larson was caught up in the Lap 1 chaos and was shuffled to the back of the field. But Larson methodically worked his way back into position and finished 12th.
“I’ve worked my way back from bigger messes,” Larson said.
“I just announced that I’ll be attempting the Indy 500-Coca Cola 600 double in 2025. If I win both, you can bet I’ll let Max Verstappen know about it.”
3. Chase Briscoe: Briscoe finished sixth on a chaotic day at Watkins Glen.
“I started the day below the cut line,” Briscoe said, “and ended the day above it. And speaking of ‘cut lines,’ I know there are some playoff drivers that would like to give one to some non-playoff drivers.”
4. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 27th at Watkins Glen.
“This race was called the ‘Go Bowling! At The Glen,'” Reddick said. “Last week at Atlanta, I also needed to ‘go bowling.’ Unfortunately, it was a toilet bowl.”
5. Christopher Bell: Bell finished 14th at the Go Bowling! At The Glen.
“First,” Bell said, “I got caught in a spin caused by Corey LaJoie. Then later, I got spun by Austin Dillon. It’s the NASCAR equivalent of being ‘Punk’d.'”
6. Ryan Blaney: Tragedy struck early for Blaney at Watkins Glen, where he was collected in a crash started when Corey LaJoie spun Kyle Busch. Blaney’s car suffered a broken steering column, and his day was done.
“I’m not surprised it was Corey LaJoie,” Blaney said. “Corey LaJoie is known for sucking, and sucking all the joy out of racing.”
7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin’s No. 11 Toyota was collected in the first lap melee and suffered significant damage. Hamlin was able to continue and finished 23rd.
“You hear that beeping noise?” Hamlin said. “It could be one of two things: either an alarm going off telling me I’m about to be eliminated from the Playoffs, or it’s a reverse sound because I’ve backed myself into a corner.”
8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stage 1 but was victimized by a number of late skirmishes and finished 20th at Watkins Glen.
“For once,” Truex said, “I’d like to see a NASCAR race conclude without an overtime restart. And I’d like to see some irrelevant drivers give me a little respect. ‘Scrubs’ should only refer to tires, and not my competitors.”
9. Chris Buescher: Buescher made a daring last lap pass of Shane Van Gisbergen after the New Zealander made a mistake into the inner loop, opening the door for Buescher.
“This somewhat eases the pain of missing the playoffs,” Buescher said. “But I’ll take that pain anytime. Tony Stewart was a glutton for food; I’m a glutton for punishment.”
10. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 19th at Watkins Glen.
“That was the first playoff race ever held at Watkins Glen,” Elliott said. “And it certainly didn’t disappoint. That is, it didn’t disappoint the fans. Many drivers were, in fact, disappointed.”
