Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Joey Logano: Logano won the Ford EcoBoost 400 to claim his first Monster Energy Cup championship.
“I won the battle,” Logano said, “and I won the war. But I’d still probably lose a fight to Martin Truex, Jr.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished third at Homestead as Joey Logano took the win and the Cup championship.
“I wanted to win so badly after having a win taken from me,” Harvick said. “But Logano ruined my dreams. He runs 6 feet, 1 inch tall; that makes the ‘spoiler’ height 73 inches.”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex came up just short in his bid to repeat as Cup champion, finishing second to Joey Logano.
“I claimed to have a free pass to rough up Joey Logano,” Truex said. “But I never was in position to do so. That made Logano the ‘Lucky Dog.'”
4. Kyle Busch: Busch started second at Homestead and finished fourth.
“It was a frustrating day,” Busch said. “I felt like I wasn’t even part of the championship battle. The handling of the No. 18 Toyota was miserable. The only fight I was involved in was with my steering wheel.”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh in the Ford EcoBoost 400.
“I’m still young,” Elliott said, “so I see a lot of titles in my future. Like ‘husband,’ ‘father,’ ‘grandfather,’ and Monster Energy Cup champion. Hopefully not in that order.”
6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 10th at Homestead, posting his 22nd top 10 of the year.
“Congratulations to Joey Logano,” Busch said. “With his championship, ‘Sliced Bread’ has put himself in the upper crust of NASCAR drivers. I’m sure he celebrated by doing ‘dough’ nuts.”
7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished fifth at Homestead as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano won and captured the Monster Energy Cup championship.
“Joey fulfilled a lifelong dream,” Keselowski said. “He’s been building toward this moment since he was a child. Heck, he’s only 28. He’s not that far removed from being a child. Martin Truex Jr. would say he’s ‘child-ish.'”
8. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished ninth at Homestead, recording his 17th top-10 finish of the year.
“Did you see?” Almirola said. “Jimmie Johnson shaved off his beard. He looks like a new man, but he’s still an old man.”
9. Kyle Larson: Larson hit the wall late chasing Joey Logano but managed to salvage a 13th-place finish at Homestead.
“Logano was in the ‘zone,'” Larson said. “Even knowing Martin Truex Jr. had it out for him, Joey was able to keep his cool and win. Joey knew Truex would ‘come after him,’ and he was right because Truex finished second.”
10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole and finished 12th, his first season without a win since 2005.
“There’s ‘Victory Lane,'” Hamlin said, “and then there’s ‘Victory Lame.'”